Kundli and The Great Indian Wedding Tamasha

In my 26 years of existence on earth I never knew my horoscope (janampatri) or the time of my birth was of any significance till I got into the “great Indian shaadi mela”. (A big round of applause for the prospective Groom - ME!) I realised how lucky I have been to have parents who till recently didn’t even remember the exact time of my birth. (They had to dig out old records) See you can’t blame it on them when I was born in Meerut on 21 May 1987; there were riots underway throughout the city between the Muslims and Hindus. When the labour pains started my mother was taken to hospital in a car having a special pass which could pass through the curfew. In such an eventful arrival of my glorious soul in all my magnificence who expects to be worried about the exact time of birth I popped out and started wailing?

Imagine my dad.

The Nurse screaming at her “Congrats It’s a boy!!!”

Shoving me in his arms and he refuses little innocent me saying “Wait, let me check the time first.”

(I don’t intend any feminist outrage here please.) Feminists for the above careless remark of the nurse can imagine saying to my dad

“Shit... It’s a boy... Where’s the dustbin?”

So I popped into earth and found myself to be in India (Damn! I was supposed to be delivered in California. GOD DAMMIT this FedEx, you can never trust them at all. Let me get old enough to sue them.)  So hopelessly I carried out my life giving exams each year, getting bashed up quite often for not keeping up with my Indian counterparts. I saw tele-series and movies of US of A imagining all the fun I'd be having at the beaches with the babes instead of slogging day-in and day-out with the books here. I think I got off the topic didn’t I? Oh yeah I did, lemme just get back to what I was saying.

So I grew up peacefully without ever inquiring about my birth nitty-gritty’s you know the time, the hospital et al. I knew for sure I was born in Meerut and on 21 May 1987 because that information was asked at school like a million times. The teachers asking us to even write essays every year on it.

“THE CITY OF MY BIRTH - MEERUT”

~Parv Kaushik

Well as a child I couldn't do much socio-politic-economic analysis of Meerut but I did quite manage to write something.  Everything else was of practically no importance since date was all you needed to read the Sunday horoscope in the Sunday Times.(Yes I'm a Gemini now tell me my lucky day, my lucky gem and my lucky number of the week) Or while doing a horoscope match with a dream date by reading Linda Goodman. (Wow she’s a Leo we can really hit it off.) Just that Linda Goodman never did me any good in getting me any of my dream dates.

So you get into this whole marriage tamasha and you realise doting parents asking you not your salary or education first but “What my son is you exact time of birth?” (Now I’m back to the topic.)

“Thou will telleth me the exact moment in time of thy delivery and if thy stars are in unification with my holy-est honourable-est daughter’s star thou shall answereth additional nuptial inquest.”

I’m just converting the modern lingo into Shakespearean lingo.

Only time I was interested in my time of birth was when I wanted to get even with a girl who shared my birth date but certainly not my wisdom of humility in one’s own superior endowment in intellect over the rest of dim-witted populace. She was haughty and egotistical and I had to make sure I was born before her even if by 10 minutes for in childhood such seniority means a lot. That girl today is a part of one of the Ivy League colleges in the US of A. While me on the other hand... I'm still counting humility and modesty as my No.1 virtue… Ahemm... Let’s again get back to the main topic.

So this is cheating right? You study all through your life, missing TV shows and cricket matches, slogging to reach somewhere in life and it turns out people are more interested in your time of birth than your marks. When somebody actually recoiled in horror telling me I’m a “mangalik” and remarked that I might be a threat to my prospective wife’s life I could not logically arrive at that conclusion.

My police records are clean, I haven't visited mental correction facility since 21 May 1987 (though a lot of friends will remark that I should), thankfully I have never been recommended for counselling by a psychologist, no person or eyewitness can remark that I have hurt anyone physically (shameful, since childhood I wanted to be a feared Don among other dreams).

I saw this advert of Windows 8 on tivo and this Pandit-ji asks the Aunty-ji if her daughter is a “mangalik” to which the poor woman recoils in horror denying it like a charge of paedophile has been slapped on her son.

I GOT CONCERNED, IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?

Am I psycho in the making? Am I sleepwalking at night and killing people at whim? The Dexter in me just was waiting for the dawn of wedding to wake up and then he will graduate to be a full-fledged cold blooded serial killer?   

My parents didn’t seem much concern with this fact. (Which caused more concern- do they know something and I don’t? are they hiding something from me?) They would give my janampatri to anyone who asked and say “Please check for yourself, if you are happy, content and satisfied we can talk further on more relevant topics like about your daughter’s interests.” Fascinatingly some people said I’m not a mangalik some said I was partial-mangalik all in all the debate has not yet been settled. Different sources quote differently.

This concluding paragraph I want to give a big moral lecture on how we should embrace modern thinking and not get too trapped in the old-conventional-orthodox mindset and move on with the evolution of science and technology. But yeah we all know that. Blah blah blah….

And frankly I’m getting late you see~ today is a Sunday. Let me check my horoscope first in all the newspapers then I have to do my online weekly tarot reading. (Chao) 

Socio-Economic Analysis of Today's Female Generation

First things first. I don’t think “Pyaar ka Punchnaama” was a movie in the real sense, it was a documentary. A soul stirring, tear inducing, emotionally disturbing true story of the young men of our generation. The movie has nothing that you can call “exaggeration” or “inspired by true events” the movie itself is “true events”. I earnestly hope/dream/desire that in near future the movie will be shown by parents/schools/colleges to the young men entering the delicate stages of live for saving them their “emotional attayachar” which all varieties of women might put them through. Mark my words one day the parents will force their sons to ratto-fy the dialogues of the movie verbatim.

One of my movie-buff childhood friends “Dozer” did a little bit research on the movie and came out with astounding results. As per his account the above-mentioned movie was very poorly reviewed by ALL women movie-critics (of course who’ll like their secrets to be out like this so publicly). I believe Dozer completely for his interest in movie-critics is more than the movies themselves (his own dream of being a movie-critic bite the dust, sadly) You are open to contest the above claim and I’m open to edit this article if you think otherwise.

Dozer and I were having deep philosophical discussions about the socio-economic evolution of Indian females of our generation (which we have been doing since childhood). When we compiled the data of the females of our environment we came to a conclusion that the social development of Indian women has been proceeding in a strikingly similar fashion. Girl’s are suddenly finding virtues in night outs, being cool by all means, being too much extrovert and flirting with guys, weekend trips to exotic places; drinking/smoking, long bike trips/long drives and other some issues not fit for description here. (So before you think I’m propounding Taliban style Shariat Law for women illuminating high moral standards and degrading the nayi nari- you got me all wrong. I’m all for “open women” you know for obvious reasons. Imagine being born in India of 1960s- I’d so prefer to die.)

The one movie whose dialogues have been ratto-fied by almost every girl in India is of Kareena Kapoor’s character Geet in “Jab We Met” (personal experience so no contesting this claim at all). So much so that when a friend showed me a video he had made of his girlfriend (no it’s not that type- you filthy naughty minds) it was of a girl mimicking in exact same way the dialogues of Kareena Kapoor from the movie- the whole dialogue with expressions and exact same voice modulation presented before me by an unknown female- an act I have seen duplicated in the women of my generation. After this movie a series of movies came (or may be some before that- don’t hound me on timeline I’m not much of movie chronicler like Dozer). But look at all these successful movies Jaane Tu.. Ya Jaane Naa, Break ke Baad and many many others. (I should call Dozer now to get the list we discussed).

All these movies portray men as some really nice, cute, dormant kind of person dominated by wild, devil-may-care, I-don’t-care-for-society’s-status-quo kind of women and then the girls start believing “OMG That’s me! Let’s go party!”. So the women of our generation have found their role models (thank God it was not Sunny Leone!) in Kareena Kapoor’s portrayal of Geet and like characters in other movies. So far so good. So what am I exactly cribbing against?

Nothing has changed for boys of our generation. 

In fact for men the status quo has remained the same since the Stone Age, may be it has got even worse than that taking into account the screwed-up sex ratio in our country. The best hunters and gatherers well – “get the women” for they can provide them with food and security. Look at it now it’s still pretty much the same.

Boys still have to study (hard) to get good grades to be able to make an impression on girls in schools, then you get into a place called girl-is-in-future-after-this mode. The lies you tell yourself then are:

Lie 1:   I’ll get good grades in boards I’ll impress girls prove to be a good hunter (capable of providing them with food, shelter and security in future) and then get a super hot girlfriend.

Lie 2:   I’ll get into good engineering college- proof that my future is bright and secure and then I’ll find a hot girlfriend.

Lie 3:   I’ll get a high paying job proving my hunting skills are good not only in Counter Strike but in real life too and then I’ll find a good looking girlfriend.

Lie 4:   I’ll get into a mind-fucking-blowing MBA college which has best marketed it’s highest salary package and hence my superior hunting skills I have inherited from my fore-fathers will shine brightly in all it’s glory and then in the glory of my awesomeness I’ll find a girlfriend. You know any girlfriend. This is the break-up season; I’ll hunt on newly single girls.

Supreme Truth:         Beta tumhare liye hamare gaon waali Champa ka rishta aaya hain. Suna hain BA pass hain aur khaana bahut badiya banaati hain. Ab toh teri naukri lag gyi hain aa teri shaadi kara doon.

Well unless your father worked hard to crack the IAS exam, or started a business empire, headed a criminal gang, was involved in a Scam et al; for a general category student life is tough and getting a girlfriend tougher. Amen!   

The Heavy Sudden Brunch... and my empty wallet.

It was supposed to be an extremely relaxing Sunday for me while I was in ____ (name of city withheld due to security reasons) but a long lost friend (yes yes a girl!!!) happened to ping me (m really not lying) and a program was fixed to catch up over brunch. I told her to select a restaurant of her choice, for I heavily rely on female in-depth knowledge on local cuisines. She happily mentioned some place "nice" and BAM! We were meeting that some place "nice".

It turned out to be a 5-star Hotel. (DAMN!) Thank you HDFC for the debit card you gave me I didn't had to turn around and run for an ATM. It was too late to tell her how suddenly my bowel movements have developed  irregularity neither could I instantly remember that it was ashtami ka aadha chaand which is an awesome nakshatra to keep a fast for reasons best known to my babaji who has advised me to not even look at food. I did think of fake-fainting on the road and fake a heart attack but it would be too much dramatics and poor girl was just too small to lift me, what if she calls the guards of the hotel and I’m instantly booked a room at the hotel? I might then have a real heart attack.

With fear filled tragedy and grief stricken heart I slowly crawled my way into the mammoth opulence of sheer brilliance of interior designers. The feeling of euphoria of entering a place as affluent like this ended when I began to think of the bill. With dad it was fun to visit places like these, now with my own hard-earned money on the line, I could just end my life of shock.

Oh so it was a Sunday Buffet on the roof top.

I'm telling my brain and stomach. You have to eat thrice your capacity. I'm not eating or feeding you anything for the next 48 hours. Just chew chew and chew. As I flex my jaws for an endless diet to justify setting my money on fire because of the woman with me. Ohh… I remember all this has been happening and this girl has been continuously blabbering and chattering. I have no clue how many characters have “come-scrutinized-gone” in her conversations by now. Pay attention. Pay attention.

Madam: "Oh God it's a buffet here... They have awful.. Oh bad luck"

Me: (Mann main laddu foota) "Ohh no... We can still go someplace else... They are giving a Batman free with Happy Meal at McDonalds"

Madam: "HAHAHA... Noooo I can't disappoint you... You have so far to meet me and you must be hungry... We'll not waste more time. I’m sure YOU'RE starving, at least I AM"

Me: "NO, not at all... Its okk we can go anywhere else that's better... what was that Dhaba you were talking about?"

Madam: "It's okk alas! Such a bad day... Let’s start... Are you vegan or non veg?"

Me: "!@#$%&"

I know what comes next... Trust me I do. I have been through this a lot many times now. Girl comes starving like she's about to die if she's not fed within the next 30 seconds and her location by the hand of destiny is always around the choicest (and costliest) of restaurant. The girl then orders like she hasn't had food for a week and ends up not eating what she has ordered for it didn't suit her… I don't know why… "taste buds" I guess? The more exclusive the item, the less likely it is to be eaten at all, sometimes not at all because dear dish you weren't gorgeous enough to be devoured by a gorgeous woman. The same girl who was about to die of starvation is now revived for the whole day by just tasting the exclusiveness of the dishes and of course not paying. Aren't you a gentleman?

 Being in a buffet means you eat everything there is to eat and as much as you can eat. So I filled my plate with every item. Everything in Vegan section from soup to paneer tikka to mix veg to pizza to kadhai panner to appetizers to main course to starters... all piled up on my plate- right, left and centre. Nothing missed, nothing taken just once or twice or thrice (yes I’ll eat them all). This is my strategy to dent the hospitality industry. They're gonna make the ‘leastest’ profit from my payment of Buffet. I pinkie-promise myself that today these looters are gonna regret letting me in their corridors through the elevator on to the roof-top for their special buffet which my dear guest and host has declared inedible and is determined to prove to these guyz that their culinary skills are not impressive enough to make her take anything on her plate.

Madam: "The food really is awful... I don't like their buffet preparation at all... The last time I was here with a friend it was the same menu too... I just felt like jumping off from the roof-top"

Me:  "Hmmm... chop chop... well your plate is totally empty what you gonna eat?"

Madam: "I don't feel like eating much. I'll go home and have something. It's ok."

Me: thinks*oh God... kill me kill me kill me* can I claim a re-fund or something?

"It's totally cool... but I think you'll like the pizza it's very Italian." (I only meant it's less spicy)

Madam: "How much will you eat? I liked the soup, I think I'll just hop to desserts... I like them though... they are better… but they don't have many choices."

Me: thinks*dessert section was next to salad section... ohh God I had to take the salad again I better grab that egg-something-something that was kept there then with virtue of patience and persistence… insha-allah I’ll raid everything again and stuff it in my stomach for future digestion*

"Actually I haven't eaten since yesterday night; you know work-related issues and all, so I’ll just fill my stomach... And all this physical labour they make us do we need to supplement our bodies with a lot of fibre, fat, protein... necessary for health and all yaar."

Madam:"Awwww… Govt makes you people work so hard naa... "

And then…

The most anticipated moment of bill arrives. And I slowly opened the dreaded bill.

S

SL

SLO

SLOW

SLOWL

SLOWLY

SLOWLY S

SLOWLY SL

SLOWLY SLO

SLOWLY SLOW

SLOWLY SLOWL

SLOWLY SLOWLY

I can hear my heart beats thumping against my chest. My heart pumping blood through the arteries, circulating throughout the body and I can feel the pulse on my fingertips vibrating with the heartbeat. Has the world started spinning faster or is it just me feeling dizzy. There there. I can hear all the sounds and noises on top of this multi storied concrete structure. The edge of the roof calls me. I might as well jump and then with a sudden realization it hits me: This is what I pay for two months as my food bill in my excellent and efficient mess. Agggghhhhhh…. KILL ME… KILL ME… KILL ME…

Two months of my food bill... gone *poof* from my card in just a Sunday buffet. Due to this wonderful female who hasn't eaten at all and as per my estimate would be going back and cooking maybe a 2-minute Maggie at her flat. All is well... All is well... Om shanti shanti shanti... What were those effective methods to “keep yourself calm in high stress situation” article I try to remember. There goes my money... hard earned money and the thought that usually follows such incidents is a common one;

What could I have bought with that money?

I probably won't even be taking my wife there to that place where I had just eaten the (truth be told) inedible buffet. My mind flashes images of all the desirable objects I had intended and yearned to owned but forsaken for the sake of decency of my salary. Most of all the Batman action figure which was supposed to be imported from US and which was costing exactly the same amount as the bill that I had just unwillingly paid. The big remote-control cars/helicopters which I had planned, planned and planned some more but eventually given up on the decision to buy. Some of them cheaper that the amount I had just debited from my bank balance. Monstrosity.

I can so relate to the character in the TV Series "Dexter". I can so relate to his dark passenger. Perfect legitimate reasons I guess to chop up people into thin slices. After my mind had gone through all the items that I could have bought with the just thrown money my mind races to next best option: How to recover the lost money? Should I take this lady to a secluded spot and tell her I need her to refund my money... at least her share. Wait a sec she’s still talking continuously about something let me check what is she saying.

Yes lady I'm all ears about your relationship issues, please go ahead I’m listening. I'm a trained psychiatrist... I love people opening up their hearts to me. Ohh you got some parental issues too? Wowww I’m so warmed up to hear you. 

I think I’ll have to cut down on my expenses and probably in around next 06 months of strict austerity measures I could claim to have recovered 3/4th of the money I have just burned. 

Yes now you are talking about what? Career? My heart is still thumping against my chest. Great meeting you girl. Catch you later. (hopefully never) :P

Blues And Book Stores

We all escape our pain, our emotional wretchedness and sentimental over weariness.. Yes that's exactly what we do.. escape our pain.

How do you chase the blues away? When things are not going your way... People are not reacting the way you want them too?? World crumbling down... hopes crashing... dreams tumbling... mental breakdown... thoughts collapsing into black hole of despair and nothingness. I know I have painted a gloomy picture but this is how you feel and may be a hell lot worse. Then you leave the little world behind and enter a world to forget everything leaving all dark thoughts in the rear view mirror.

Some go shopping, some go bar, some go long high-speed drives, some eat till their tummy explodes or wallet gives up doling out currency, others will torment their facebook friends by posting all sort of weird non-coherent updates. What's your escape?? We all escape our pain, our emotional wretchedness and sentimental over weariness.. Yes that's exactly what we do.. escape our pain.

I go to book stores.

Corporate book stores where the attendants are too busy/lazy/self-absorbed to bother you or ask if you need help. Bookstores are the only place where I have never been approached by anyone asking what I'm looking for. Tried walking into cologne section of a store? They pounce on you like vampires low on human blood supply, like wild rapists given a license by government to unleash their havoc! (More of that experiences in another post)

Book stores are my answer to wonderland of Alice.

Book stores are my answer to wonderland of Alice. It's a whole world of knowledge in a cave. so much so it overwhelms you with the amount of thoughts and ideas coming to you from all sides and directions. So many books on so diverse issues and subjects. Each book with it's magnetic pull attracts you to delve into it's secret and in no time you are surfing the ocean in a small kayak and letting the waves take you where they want you to go. So you start at top-sellers and navigating through strange channels you pass through new-releases, architecture, photography, Indian writing, self-help. comics, kids, romance, classics, fiction, non-fiction, management, biographies, computer, western philosophy, religion, on sale books, magazines, poetry, fantasy, chetan bhagat, health et al.

No world No time exists. It's me, my thoughts and my reason.

Each book each section drowning you in it's wealth, engulfing you, a universe in it's own with all the secrets unknown and truths waiting to be unlocked, and then your lost lost in thoughts, lost in philosophies, stories, fantasies, classics. I am lost to say the least and overwhelmed. You feel like a speck of grass in the vast constellation of stars.And yes I forget the pin haunting me, tormenting me, torturing me. I doesn't exist at all.. in fact for the time I'm in the book store there is no world outside the book store. No world No time exists. It's me, my thoughts and my reason.

What's your escape?

Midnight Madness.... Why Is The Sky Blue?

I was still in my teens in high school and infinitely curious about everything around me. Curious like a child who's in awe of the world around him. Startling at every new knowledge he gains of the world around him. It was like I'm a child again learning there is a sun, a moon, infinite stars and the earth revolves round the sun.

It was a phase when you are analytical, questioning and scrutinizing every piece of information fed to you. Puzzled at the facts of life inspecting all facts of life trying to decipher the mysteries of the universe. Why is the sky blue? Why do we sleep? Why are stars so far? How does a dog drink water? Why is donkey funny? Why do others have bigger houses and cars than me? Why can't i fight with girls?

It's like when you show a kid new animals, look at his eyes. His eyes pop out, he stares in amazement in wonder, in fascination. Seeing a monkey jumping across trees or a butterfly shuttling between flowers is nothing short of a spectacle for him, a stunner. Take a child to a zoo and he sees with all his being forgetting everything else in else, everything in his memory and mind fades away to nothingness. He shouts with the monkeys, runs with the deers, fears the python almost becoming part of their kingdom.

I was in a somewhat similar state of mind once. It was when I had discovered spirituality and was tampering with the enigma of mind. Nothing served me better than connecting with nature. It were the noises and voices in your head that prevent you to experience your true self in full divinity. It was then that I felt a strong urge to connect with nature. I spent  a lot of time alone on top of my roof with my own being connecting with nature.

In the morning I used to feel the soft sunlight warming the skin of my body. Absorbing the electromagnetic rays of the Sun or the photons (Quantum mechanics I know I know!!) taking eight and a half minutes to reach me produced by nuclear fusion process. The zephyr touching my hair and passing through me. The chirping of birds sending my spirit into trance.

In the night standing on the rooftop under the umbrella of million stars connecting with the moonlight and the twinkling stars. It's then in that moment when the memory and mind fade into oblivion and all the being comes to life making one aware of one's existence is the moment of truth is also the moment of madness.

It was my Midnight Madness.

Some Truths

Friends, fellow bloggers, fans, ladies, casual visitors, earthlings, space aliens, zombies, and netizens you are all welcome here... today hereby I welcome whole heartedly with open arms and open dakshina-daans (charity box) here to today’s sermon that might give you some spiritual, religious orgasm you might have visions of enlightenment so don’t be afraid just let go and take deep breaths.. I hereby declare that the following potentially life changing flow of words can alter the trajectory of your life and transport to the super expressway of everlasting happiness, super mind-boggling success, inner peace and everything under the sun other Gurus, cults, religions, books have been promising.. So here we go:

1. 1.    So you always have been trusting your feelings? You have known it in the past and you know it now that feelings the “inner gut” feeling is what makes you take your decisions and its these feelings that appear to be so relevant and prevalent yet so mysterious and undefined. I have realised that subconscious thoughts are the building blocks of the feelings. The thoughts that go through your head day in and day out ultimately subdue into subconscious and result in form of feelings we have toward a person or situation.
2.   Is Is it music or is it noise? I have been around a lot of people who treat music as a background score. The music keeps playing with higher and higher volume in the background and people are busy in their own work. I strongly resent such attitude for in such manner people convert music into noise just to block out the emptiness in their head they are not ready to face their own thoughts and hence the noise to block out all type of thoughts and emotions and feeling.
3. 3.       Death is around the corner. Yes it’s true as I contemplate my own mortality and become aware that I may die any moment it drives me to better utilize my time and achieve my goals. Usually in the daily chores we forget about the life’s clock tickling and forget all about the death but the more you think about it the more you’ll be focused on the things in life that really matter after all.
4. 4.       “I’m at peace with myself” this is probably the best and the most meaningful thing you can say to yourself. You have to be at peace with what you are or have right now this very very moment not after to reach that position or get that new object of desire. Being at peace with yourself is probably the best thing that you can do to yourself.
5. 5.       Emptiness is not ugly. Emptiness is when you let go of past, of future of guilts and of expectations. There are too many life gurus in the market the only simple path is to give up your mind’s complexity and be simple, be frugal, be empty.

Thus Spake Parv. Little things in life can offer a paradigm shift to your future sometimes.  

Arre ye ladka to bada Seedha-Saadha hain. "SSA"

SSA- Seedha Saadha Aadmi. 


To know more about SSA's check my post here.


Every once in few days I have been habituated since childhood to hear the following condemned words:


'Arre ye ladka to bada seedha hain.' or 'bada he seedha-saadha ladka hain aapka' et al.
(Oh the boy is so innocent... or Your child is very innocent)


All these words are such an insult to some one who all his childhood dreamed of being a kid to be known as:


'Arre ye lada to bada bhoukaali hain' or 'Bada hi bhoukaali ladka hain aapka'
(Oh the boy is a deadly thug.... Your child is such a big mafia)
bhoukaali: Don type powerful, mafia typz personality.. get the picture?


Such were my simple and innocent dreams of mine of being the Hindi Cinema's one of the best villains:  Shaakaal

Shakal had pet Sharks which were made to feed on his enemies. Well when I was a kiddo all i could imagine was being a SUPER MAFIA DON whose name was enough to make people wet in pants and sweat in hands. I would think of the most cruel ways of torturing my victims in my super-specialty prisons. My pet Komodo dragon lizards would sit on my shoulders and hunt on my preys:

But then my aspirations did not meet my actions. I failed to be a qualified member of any gang during my school time. Worse than that I was not even involved in a hands-on-fight with a worthy foe which would have unleashed the devil in me and I'd have proven to the world of my hidden draconian intentions. Not even in college such an opportunity materialized. Though some gangs did come in contact and some warlords did consider me for recruitment but then that was ragging time they were on lookout for new recruits, fresh blood to carry their legacy forward.


Time passed and my gangster worshiping attitude found for itself no outlet in the actions. In fact it seemed pretty obvious to me where my life was now headed. I was becoming the SSA of the society. SSA's are wonderful people they don't know how to say NO. How to react, be really street smart and acting all smart Alec hoodwinking people.. all the necessary talents to survive and thrive in the fast paced world. SSA's are not foolish enough to not understand that they are being used. And this is where I am seem to be heading, the Anupem Kher of Khosla ka Ghosla:

   
So many times in my life I have single minded goals of achieve the character of kaminapan.. but then the training is not right. All this idealism and books live in my head and corrupts me. I need more training to achieve atleast 10% characteristics of Shakal ji. 


Amen.

Why I Support Savita Bhabhi.

Now here it is the woman not only your parents but also the Indian Government warned you about ~ Savita Bhabhi. A woman which was before getting banned one of the top most dedicated visited websites of India (as by Alexa). Savita Bhabhi's induction into Indian mindset and her subsequent acceptance and rejection is worth a study.

I have come across PhD's writing case study of how Savita Bhabhi reflects the socio-economic status in our Indian society. I have come across business analyst's review of how much business acumen is behind Savita Bhabhi's branding and customer loyalty. Then I have also come across Indian Government's excuse of banning SB. It's the same government which bans FTV for 3 days just for showing topless models. It's the same government which gives us the governor ND Tiwari. It's the same society which gives us Godmen like Swami Nityananda.

India is a sexually repressed society. We keep our sexualities in our back door. On the front even the word "sex" in itself has become so dirty that sometimes I wonder how can we pronounce the word and not vomit the next second. Why then treat something so natural as copulation as something immoral, as sin? Why does the society makes me feel so unnatural about it? Aren't we the ones who gave the world the Kama Sutra and the Khujraho temples? Top of it all aren't we the ones who pray and seek blessings from Shiva lingam?

There are far worse websites on the Indian web space where you can download videos of sexual escapades between consenting adults with a cam. The movie LSD nothing but mirrors this sad truth. Websites I don't feel like naming here can give give you daily updated dose of uploaded MMS'. Many girls lured by their bf into having sex before camera with or without their knowledge might provide excellent fodder for the junta but ends up ravishing not only the girls life but also her family's.

Savita Bhabhi is a toon character. She involves no real girls to play the part of sex objects. She's a form of art where different artists convulse to bring out a comics which caught the attention of Indians. If say SB reaches a crescendo and there's a huge demand for such toon characters giving rise to an underground industry is it harmful? Who are the people who'll gain: artists, story writers, designers, computer experts et al. Infact as I write this SB's new home Kirtu.com is displaying an ad asking for recruitment of Script Writers.

It's all and all a creative process which is supplying an unfulfilled demand. Think about it; does it encourage any sort of physical sexual slavery, does in the whole cycle a real woman comes in scene to be reduced to a sex mannequin with sounds? Can cartoons encourage prostitution? SB is simply a comics a simple toon. It doesn't need ban from Indian Government to expose the double standards of our democracy where we have started acting as a moral police.

Find about Savita Bhabhi on Wikipedia here.

Article on Savita Bhabhi in Tehelka.

Case Study on Savita Bhabhi by Plugged.in

Support Savita Bhabhi. Its a good feminism.

  Here's a spoof on SB its called Kavita Bhabhi and the site can be reached here.

That's Savita Bhabhi in late night Internet comedy show Jay Hind TV hosted by Sumeet Raghavan of Sarabhai vs. Sarabhai fame.

10 Sonic Ways To Be Super-Cool

OK fellow un-cool humans here is a refreshing break from the emotional high doses i have been giving you through the poems here. This is THE SECRET which the world has always been waiting for. Even Rhonda Byrne is after me to convert this SECRET into a book offering me a multi-million dollar deal. The CIA called me to keep my mouth shut for their billion dollar research is turning to dust for i offer my SECRET FOR FREE. yes you heard it right absolutely right i bring for you the ultra-secrets which will help you  definitely turn you into a Super-Cool species among your fellow homo sapiens and the envy of all.

1.Watch the right TV: ohh no no no F.R.I.E.N.D.S and Prison Break are passe you need to know the ABC, XYZ, MNO everything of Sex And The City, Desperate Housewives, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, Dexter, Lost. Oh yes these are the shows you have to master. The more you know the more you can let the other people slip into depression of being un-cool.

2.Mind Your Language: Alright you speak in English whts the big deal? Ohh so you know the lingo of the hood? So what? You have to prove your ignorance of Hindi at every drop of the hat. When anybody starts talking in Hindi and uses a slightly uncommon word here's the phrases you can use: "Oh I have to work upon my Hindi", "Shit my Hindi is so bad", "Man that is all greek to me, what did u say again?"

3.Social Networking: So you could never let Orkut touch you? Facebook was your one and only home since time immemorial. Now have the right friends and the right Display Pic. Yes my dear dear friend your coolness quotient is measured by your profile pic. Burn the midnight oil use all the photo editing softwares to get the perfect look in your DP.

4.Have Some Relationship Issues: It's just so un-normal to have a happy relationship. "I Have Some Issues" is the buzz-line. It's the secret tht will bring you in the league of super-cool kids. No one likes an ever lasting lovey-dovey couple. Ever seen movies that start with a happy ending? Then why give people that impression.

5.Be Anything But Obvious: Everyone has read Chetan Bhagat that automatically implies you don't have to even touch the filthy books he write. He is an insult to the world of literature a dirty spot which has ruined the beauty of classics. You don't have to touch anything that is in mass consumption. Always go off-beat (read elitist). Here's a catch~ if in your "in" circle being weirdo is obvious then be normal and you'll be the cool one, the different one.

6.Use Right Cuss Words: Now learn to have the blessings of Jesus in your life, start with phrases like "Oh Jesus!" to "Jesus, if only I had known..." Use Fuck like you use prepositions, use the derivatives often to keep the interest and to awe the un-cool. Bullshit, Bitch, Asshole all are welcome in as public way as possible.

7. Be A Party Animal: OK so you haven't attended a party for weeks but your party stories must never ever not even till immortality runs out. You are the Party God sent from heaven above to make this world a cooler place to be in. You rock the party with your awesomeness, your awesomeness has defied all barriers. Your life's a party. (Also includes Night-outs, hang-outs, anything-outs)

8. Trend Setter, Style Icon, Fashion Guru: If you haven't been nicknamed one of these, your coolness is in jeopardy. Be a trend setter go out to tell the world around you what to wear. Be "in" and let the other's copy you. You have to work hard on this one buy fashion magazines, go shopping a lot more times than everyone else does, search the internet. Anything to put you on top.

9. Carry A Guitar/Basketball At All Times: Doesn't matter if you are a girl or a guy carry a Guitar at all times to infuse a sense of inferirity complex in fellow human beings. When you see a guy with a guitar on his back your heart breaks and you curse yourself of all the broken resolutions to learn guitar and the girls are imagining a dude who'll sing them love songs with humming guitar tunes, what a mind game! Same goes with basket-ball

10.You Are Bi-sexual And Accept It: No-one was happier than you when Article 377 was repealed.. It was a moment of eternal happiness for you and fellow gay/lesbian community. Yes you are a bi-sexual and yes you are experimental.  You are a try-sexual. You have the guts to accept it in front of everyone. All the straight people are just so old and conventional and boring. You are the new blood the Super-Cool.



p.s. there you go 10 commandments, 10 Biblical truths which will transform your life to awesomeness. And remember i gave these hidden-truths to you. I'm the Supreme Super Cool Soul in the Universe thou shalt not even doubt it for a second.


p.s. very painfully i have to announce that someone has missed the pun in the whole article so for all the confused ones here it is I WAS BEING SARCASTIC. 

India Lives Here: Kumbh Mela In Haridwar

Ramayana Retold- Sita Sings The Blues!

Ramayana is a story told and retold and retold and retold and retold but we Indians are never bored of it. We can hear the story as many times as it reaches our ear. We know the characters, we know the story , the plot, the ending but still there's something so magical about the way it is told that it ends up telling more about the person telling it than the story itself. 


From our grandmother version to the Bollywood version we have tried to see it all and missed. The epic comes again over and over with its enthralling magic to mesmerize our attention. Not much time has passed since the animated "Hanuman" and "The Hanuman Returns" were presented to the children and well appreciated and loved. They sparked a frenzy among filmmakers to make animated films about our very own religious heroes/Gods. 


Recently the Indian Mythologies has been adapted and reproduced by various people. One of them include the joint venture of Deepak Chopra and Virgin Comics (more on this later) and the other is a brilliant work of Nina Paley on the animated movie "Sita Sings The Blues". A dynamic and revolutionary treatment of the same story which has never failed to fascinate us. 


"Sita Sings The Blues" uses variety of animation techniques and styles. The whole story is told keeping Sita in the mean focusing on her point of view. What an experience it is to watch the movie!!! No don't wonder about the release dates of the movie because you can LEGALLY download the movie from the official website here. On her website she says:

"You don't need my permission to copy, share, publish, archive, show, sell, broadcast, or remix Sita Sings the Blues. Conventional wisdom urges me to demand payment for every use of the film, but then how would people without money get to see it? How widely would the film be disseminated if it were limited by permission and fees? Control offers a false sense of security. The only real security I have is trusting you, trusting culture, and trusting freedom."

Now this is a real artist. These are the words and the intentions behind the movie and it deserves standing ovation. 

If you want the movie banned from the internet then you can sign the petition here!!! Banning something so beautiful doesn't make sense yes i agree Hindus will find it offensive for their Gods have been misused (Read  M F Hussain) and will be skeptical about the intentions of the artist but i strongly believe Hindus should not be  feeling insulted rather they should welcome it as a bold and modern description of their ages-told tale and how it is relevant even today!

Check the official website of Nina Paley here.