"Kaushik ek din teri achchai tjhe le doobegi"

"Kaushik one day your goodness will drown you"

-A very wise man who knows me and is known by the name of Gautam Dhameja.

WARNING: The following post contains convoluted self-analysis.. it is a cruel dissection with no rona-gaana about wicked fate and evil people. You may waste your time reading this as i am wasting time writing it! ;) okkk that last line i was just kidding!

As I rushed to meet my friend Gautam in Noida for a urgent crisis for which the clock was ticking faster than Bolt runs his sprints. I tried to be a good samartian and helped a passer-by in which as usual i made a fool of myself. (don't investigate further details its my blog and i ain't gonna tell :) )

I narrated the incident to Dhameja and he offered me the golden words of wisdom-

"Kaushik ek din teri achchai tjhe le doobegi"

Then a thought process complicated than a chain reaction and more explosive than the anti-matter ( just finished Angels and Demons) started in my head. It's proven beyond doubt that the "seedha-saadha" Parv Kaushik has always suffered in the face of "tez-tarrar" people. People often tend to confuse kindness with weakness ( yes i stole it from Swordfish when John Travolta says it to Hugh Jackman)

The seedha-saadha aadmi (SSA- THE SPECIES I CONSIDER I BELONG TO) is almost extinct now. It does not even figures in the endangered species list. Probably SSA is going to be in the next issue of 'Lost Species Of 21st century'. The characteristics of the SSA species are as follows:

1. These species carry a malfunctioning hereditary DNA of imaandaari "honesty" in them.

2. They are genuinely nice to everybody and fail to prioritize their behaviour in relation to the returns expected from other members of other species. (I call it 'selective affability')

3. These species as predicted by Gautam Buddha speak the truth and live the condemned life. They walk on the path of the truth and pay for it- Buddha.

4.They can easily be trapped and fooled once you present a rosy picture and behave nicely. SSA's are easily trusting hence the annihilation of the species.

5. Docile species rarely reacts even when it sees it is being harmed. People often see it as SSA's foolishness. ( which I'm afraid we are - foolish)

6.Will always fail in business bcuz thy will be too shy to ask for their own money.

etc. etc. etc.

Since I'm currently reading "The Curious Case Of Dog In The Night-time" by Mark Haddon let me analyse my kryptonite (seedhapan) the way the lead character Christopher would. Let me like Kaavya Vishwanathan's Opel Mehta chalk out steps to end my kryptonite and enter into the skin of normal human species to survive.....

WAIT.. WAIT.. WAIT..

DO I REALLY WANT TO?

Let me get this straight. I touch my heart and i ask myself... If I want to change? Can i change? I think the world is full of smart and over-smart people. It's OK being a fool. It's OK to trust people even when you know they don't deserve it. Trusting is important, people are not. A clean heart and a clean conscience is all i have and perhaps all i need. I look around at the insanity around me lifestyle addiction, politics, jealously, hatred, anger. I'm happy being a kid in adults world.

Yes I'm an SSA but yes i can say with my held held high that there ain't no person whom i cannot look into the eyes. Believe me I can. I did commit mistakes i did disappoint people but in my heart i know I'm pure. Let me suffer it's OK but somewhere deep down inside i know when Dhameja sleeps tonight he'll know they are still nice people around. There are people ain't mad after money, sex, power, fame.

I don't know how many would have left before reading and comprehending any of this stuff. At last i don't think i can change. Its a handicap may be. But if you ask my heart I'll happily renounce the material world for a clear conscience before i die if that's the price for it. May be I'll survive in this jungle may be i wont but i want to sleep tonight peacefully.

I Need A Miracle

My face covered with sweat

I'm so dizzy

The Heat by all accounts

Is not funny

A clean sky haunts my eye

Some obscure farmer ends his life

Sun has no mercy for the meek

Even the strong admit total defeat

I cry to rain God for some relief

This drought sends more grief

A dal for 100 rs. per kg

Judgement day i can foresee

For sin aplenty we are punished

Our coffins getting burnished

I wail.. I scream.. I cry aloud..

The government before God has bowed

They sit with their faces proud

High up in power corridors on clouds

How many will sleep hungry tonight,

And how many will party overnight?

I need an answer I need a miracle

Jokes Rain God's playing isn't satirical

When idiots sit in authority of humanity

When vanity overpowers their sanity

Will they help that obscure dead farmer,

Or will they keep dancing to wealthy charmers?

Big politicians feed us their daily lies

Will they ever care to hear our cries?

I need an answer I need a miracle

I need someone to answer my prayers.

BIG CITY LIFE

I wake up to screaming alarm clocks

Half sleep and haunting dead-lines

With a cold heart and rushing mind

Fighting for my own brief limelight

Bearing the traffic and the crowds

Jostling to fight every single frown

Sore heart, false ego and attitude

I'm an Urban Monk with no gratitude

Filled to core with materialistic greed

Depressed, angry, overfed and obese

A ritzy condo in the concrete jungle

Everyone except me in city is fungal

Lonely heart calls for care and attention

I want some respect and little recognition.

This city is after all a wild, deadly jungle

With the meek preys and hunters mural

A smile can get me maim and paralysed

Beside me, in which soul can I confide?

This big city life I'm trying to get by

Pressurised in a cubicle cabin I quietly sigh.

Rs. 12 Ice Cream And An Observing Eye

His tattered school bag

His uniform torn to rags

Wearing discarded hawai slipper

Ambitious eye with spark glitter

Trodding back from his slum school

Carrying a 12Rs. treasure in a spool

Walking past candy shops and cold-drink stalls

He knew he didn't belong to slum walls

He went to the posh upmarket bazaar

One with flashy cars outside many bars

He observed with a keen eye

Entered McD without a sigh

He went straight to place the order

Armed with cheapest Ice Cream he did wander

Studied everyone with a spy-eye

Scrutinised & beholded everything inside

"Why are these people so richie?

What makes them so bewitching?

Why am I so poor and worthless?

These things one day I'll possess."

Stealthily he moved alert as bee

All awhile silent and complete

Confident and somewhat arrogant

His empty pocket still did haunt.

A rage for success burning inside

Outside calm & peace bona fide

Alone & reserved all the while

'Winner Stands Alone' the saying is wise

p.s. it just so happened that a friend of mine told me that once Dhirubhai Ambani earned 12 Rs. and went to drink tea at a place where rich people dined. his intention was to know how rich people act and what do they do. The next day i spotted this kid in McD who was there with this 12Rs. Ice Cream (the cheapest eatable in McD) roaming around and with an observing eye!!

Sankat Six!!! Blogger Meet In New Delhi.

thts Kadambari(missing) and me!

thts Nikita and Mukund!

This is about the Blogger meet held in New Delhi on Sunday, 12 July 2009.

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon when i was in two minds about going to CP for the "Blogger's Meet" which i estimated would be attended by not more than 3 people! (Kadambari, Mukund and me). Although I had assured Kadambari convincingly of my presence and had even actively publicised the event here I was thinking of a convincing excuse to excuse myself from meeting 2 strangers 30 kms away in scorching heat. I decided to skip calling Mukund (an angel guy who'd drive me in his yaan to CP). To my surprise Mukund called himself to fix the time and location from where he'd pick me up. Being a bad lier I couldn't come up with a nice excuse and half-heartedly schemed the trip.

Mukund, an engineering graduate was an angel indeed. A cool suave guy with less attitude and more sense. He was interesting to talk to and both of us didn't get bored. We exchanged our views and experiences. We picked up Kadmbari from South Ex outside the McD's, she was amicable and talkative. With her in the car it was three of us chirping continuously like birds on a tree. Lil' did I know that this chirping would only end when we'd depart.

Kadambari, Mukund and me reached the McD at CP full 40 mins before the scheduled time, it didn't act as a deterrent to our continuous chirping. Soon (to my surprise!) Ajay, Nikita and Prabhjot also turned up for the meet. It was now 6 of us who were combing the CP area for a CCD to accommodate us and our continuous chirping. Our "Sankat Six" ran into trouble when our combing operation turned into 'search and keep searching operation' for a CCD which after much sweat and afternoon walk was found a stone's throw distance from the origin of our combing operation (of course we took the wrong direction!).

By the time CCD greeted us our introductions/inhibitions were done with. Personal and Professional details had been extracted and processed. CCD was the Round-2 of our "meet"! What followed was something i think no one of us anticipated. All of us were so engrossed and comfortable with one another that it was hard to remind ourselves that just an hour before we were complete strangers and would have crossed each others path without even giving a second look. Here we were like a close knit childhood friends always chirping and chirping, rarely feeling out of place or out of words.

Each one of us was unique and interesting. Kadambari spilled the beans of Nikita doing a personality profiling on all of us and the whole CG of the meet shifted to Nikita. All of us started feeling like specimens in a lab pinned on a wall and being observed by a lab coat wearing psychologist! We had our reveng for feeling like this by bugging her to say something *anything* about us and her observations and analysis about each one of us! (Due to personal reasons my personality profiling will not be discussed!! )

Ajay never ran out of his stories and when the chirping mill was running low he would take charge and fire his extraordinary adventurous stories. His 200-match-losing-streak story, his haryana-wedding-documentary-story, his-many-blogs-story, his-dry-region-story, his career-and-exams-story et al. All his stories are stored in the back of my head like a tape-recorder.

Kadambari was never at a loss of words. The only one to order hot coffee always cheered the spirit of the meet and encouraged everyone to speak and participate. No-one tried to dominate the discussion which made the meeting so comfortable. Kadambari would never fail to come up with funny one-liners and witty jokes which were enough to keep us giggling. I don't know if anybody noticed but we laughed more than we do when we meet strangers like this. Laughter comes so hard in this harsh and cold world. Here we were laughing our hearts out at any trivial joke, at any joke we cracked on each other!

Then there was Prabhjot who in spite of the best efforts of all of us did a Manmohan Singh and remained quiet throughout the meet. Even our psychologist failed to read the personality of Prabhjot but still he couldn't have been shy otherwise he wouldn't have come at all to meet strangers!

After the meet it was Mukund and me who went back to Noida. We again had a lot of time to chat and share our experiences. In the little time we had we developed a great bonding and decided to meet again since both of us stay here in Noida itself. As i walked towards my bike parked in Atta Market I wondered had Mukund not called I would have missed having so much fun and the pleasure of meeting such nice and interesting people!

Sankat Six: Mukund, Me, Kadambari, Prabhjot and Nikita. Ajay is missing as he was taking the pic!

The Sankat Six can be found here (in alphabetical order):

1.Ajay

2.Kadambari

3.Mukund

4.Nikita

5.Prabhjot

6.Thts ME!!!

My Noida Market!!

Fried omelettes, boiled eggs

Milk shakes and " Sirjee No Change"

Women in bright sarees

Walk beside those in Denim Capris

Girls with long saloon cut hair

Girls with 2 short ponies

Guyz with thick spectacles

Guyz with cigarettes on bikes

Men with big bellies & bigger wallets

Men with big cars & foul tongue

Neon lights and fluorescent bulbs

Chatpati 'tikkis' & paani batashas

Irritated husbands & excited children

Small poor children serving dishes

Liquor shops brimming with activity

Beggars promising salvation for cheap price

My Noida Bazaar pulsating with energy!

Maa

A brief moment ago

I glimpsed a pregnant lady

A woman on a journey to be a 'Mother'

A transformation, a reincarnation

The pregnant lady was elegant

Carrying in her seed of mankind

I looked at her wondering

'If she was a single person;

or there were two of 'em?'

She was a coalescence of two bodies,

In her she bore the future of humanity

The ultimate cosmic union of 'em

A carrier of divine spark, divine reality

Midway between a Woman and a Mother

Mother-baby communion with one another

Mother- is the source of us all

I reject the belief of masculine God

God has to be a Mother

Mother by her very nature can't be human

She's a divine being nurturing us all.

p.s. the above painting is by the iconic painter Raja Ravi Varma

Kalpana Loves Ghajini!

His ruff and tuff looks

His fiery eyes

His Gujjar accent

His bappi da's 'sone' ka style

His macho goons

His blacker than black shirt-pant combo

His sinister ways and evil deeds

His big-owned factories

His hairline receeds

He's tall dark and handsome

He's all I ever dreamed of love

He'll buy me 3 ambassadors

He'll get me modelling contracts

He'll be my Salem i'll be his Monica

He's a darling, My charming sight

He's tough as a bull

He hits enemies with iron rods (in full delight)

I used to hate him, I luv him now

He was angry, he was a foe

I blew the lid off his girl racket (oops!)

He touched my heart with his angst look

He changed my mind with his iron rod

He turned my bf to memory freak

Ghajini- my man, my new boyfriend!

Sorry Sanjay,  keep the med student  

Choosing Ghajju is much more prudent! 

GB Road- The Sin Road

A night I was in New Delhi

A night alone with street lights

With heavy traffic and begging lunatics.

New Delhi Railway Station- My destination

Standing alone at "Ajmeri Gate Side"

Lightning up my cigarette to kill time

A full 3 hours to board my train

Alone with a thousand thoughts stranded.  

I decided to take a walk

A walk to a destination most infamous

Whose trail was learned from a friend.

With empty mind and no desires

I risked the custom and my reputation

Character after all is a cage.

GB Road was the disgraced address

Delhi's home to pimps and whores.

I walked a walk a lonely walk

Knowing not what to expect.

What would be it like to take a walk

Through the sin road of sinister souls

Would I lose my rational mind?

Would i forgo my repute and character?

And yield to the bodily temptations?

I had to find out, I had to go.

Through the traffic I made my way

Walking slowly, consciously to my destination

I knew I was on the right path.

For I saw girls - faces covered with cloth

In the rickshaws, on the bike's backseat

Faceless anonymous bodies cruising through.

Old lurid & rickety structure welcomed me

There I was in plenitude of dissolution

My heart beated albeit slowly, heavily.

As if to make a complete mockery of law

A police station right across the street.

'Plum Posting' it must be, I said to me.

A feeling of pervasive suffocation enveloped me

Behind the shady windows of buildings stood Whores 

"Whores" I said to myself in shock and rant

"Whores" with little more than their bras on them

Stood behind the heavy iron grills of the windows

Signalling me, Gesturing me, pinpointing me, to come

"Whores" behind their 'grills' -euphemism for jail bars

"Whores" ready to sell their body for anyone & everyone

And then my eyes locked upon a window

A 12 yr old or so little girl gesturing me.

A spectacular human tragedy of which

I was the audience with front row seats.

Suffocation filled me, I couldn't breathe

I needed to get outta there else i vomit.

Rebellion and Revolt struck my mind

Little mind of me unable to comprehend

Unable to decipher the question 'Why?'

Never had I imagined such a painful sight,

I wanted to scream, wail and cry all night

I was helpless and hopeless that night.  

Death and All His Friends

I nurture a secret desire- to Die

Death and all His friends

Are welcome in my abode

Death is the only destination

The only thing certain in life

Isn't it funny

To desire Death all the time?

May be a violent may be a silent Death

Death is the goal of life

What is life?

March in the face of Death

The moment we are born

Death starts approaching

Death is the answer

Death is the liberation

Death is the door

Death is the beginning

Death is the nectar of life

Death is funny, it's a celebration

Why cry when somebody die?

The rich die the poor men die

The Kings die the beggars die

The geniuses die the lunatics die

We are dying each moment.

The thought of Death

The thirst of Death

Death is not an enemy

Death is a long lost lover

Waiting eternally for reconciliation

Death, Who are you?

Where are you?

Why are people scared of you?

Why they can't even talk about you?

Sing about you, laugh about you?

Answer me I'm waiting

At least give me a taste of you, Death.

The Question Is 'Why?'

photo: on the left is OSHO in his younger years on the right hand is me.

Why friends always change,

While enemies remain same?

Why love perpetually fluctuates,

While hate remains eternal?

Why happy memories evaporate

While the sad ones crystallise?

Why innocence hides

While cunning seeks?

Why a single drop of pure water

Can't purify a glass of dirty water?

When a single drop of dirty water

Has power to contaminate the whole?

Why does it take years

To nurture a relationship

While one moment is enough

To break it all apart?

Why is it tedious to accept fault

While easy to pass on the blame?

Why is it so easy to wail on past

While difficult to accept and change?

I Have Looked

I have looked thru Honour

I have looked thru Beautiful girls

I have looked thru Power

I have looked thru Fame

I have looked thru Thoughts

I have looked thru Alcohol

I have looked thru Socialites

I have looked Everywhere.

This turbulent mind knows no peace,

This thirsty soul drinks from no pond.

I know not who I am,

I know not where I am.

I'm done with Dreams,

And Empty Illusions.

Save me Buddha, Death is near.

Free me before I die.

'YES WE CAN' & 'Economic Recession' are white lies

this post has been removed

Guest Post... 'Greater Noida' By Rimjhim Varma

Wide roads, huge crossroads

reproducing pigeons and no crows 

extreme weather, strong sunrays 

lots of wind and blue cold days 

green belts innumerous

beside the largest gutters

apartments like mushrooms

all empty...one or the other

there are no people, except the native

but its a question of years, just four or five 

we've been living here and we'll be more

and we've been loving it and we'll do more 

to watch a city grow

with yourself along

is oh so cherishable

but also oh so long

we'll be gone in an year

but you won't stop to grow 

and thats how we'll love

and we'll love you so...... BY-RIMJHIM VARMA

Classroom Zeitgeist..

Half-burnt ciggarette butts

A girls ungracious rebuff

A scrambled room

Even more scrambled mind

Leaky pipes, pesky mosquitoes

Living life on fried potatoes

On Pamela Anderson's posters

On cheap magazines subscriptions

A "cool-waanabe" attitude

An anonymous face in the crowd

"Mr. Popular" in the waiting

Painful dreams of adulation

Weekdays full of studies

Weekends full of whiskies

An arrogance of oblivion

Cocky attitude of empty mind

I'm surrounded by such people in college

Who never cared to know Pablo Neruda.

yes i'm surrounded by such people in my very own class and tell you what i'm very very pissed off by the sheer magnitude of stupidity human brains can carry.

Invader On My Porch!

A pigeon on my porch

Makes me an unintended host

A Guest I have now

Makes himself feel at home

My home, his home

Our home!

Ever alert, ever intent

Looks, he at me

With curious looks

hard to decipher

I now comfortable

I now alien

In my own home now

I feel like a guest

He a host.

A tresspasser on my porch!

My mind rebels

My ego crashes

Enroacher on my porch!

Invader on my porch!

Blinded, i rush

To free my territory.

कोशिश करने वालों की- हरिवंशराय बच्चन

लहरों से डर कर नौका पार नहीं होती,
कोशिश करने वालों की कभी हार नहीं होती।

नन्हीं चींटी जब दाना लेकर चलती है,
चढ़ती दीवारों पर, सौ बार फिसलती है।
मन का विश्वास रगों में साहस भरता है,
चढ़कर गिरना, गिरकर चढ़ना न अखरता है।
आख़िर उसकी मेहनत बेकार नहीं होती,
कोशिश करने वालों की कभी हार नहीं होती।

डुबकियां सिंधु में गोताखोर लगाता है,
जा जा कर खाली हाथ लौटकर आता है।
मिलते नहीं सहज ही मोती गहरे पानी में,
बढ़ता दुगना उत्साह इसी हैरानी में।
मुट्ठी उसकी खाली हर बार नहीं होती,
कोशिश करने वालों की कभी हार नहीं होती।

असफलता एक चुनौती है, इसे स्वीकार करो,
क्या कमी रह गई, देखो और सुधार करो।
जब तक न सफल हो, नींद चैन को त्यागो तुम,
संघर्ष का मैदान छोड़ कर मत भागो तुम।
कुछ किये बिना ही जय जय कार नहीं होती,
कोशिश करने वालों की कभी हार नहीं होती।

Two Nomads

Two of us, in the rain

Stood together

As if,

Bonded by tears

Bonded by smears

Enslaved

Confined

Shackled

In this so-called institution

Of marriage

What was love once

Now feels like

Capital Punishment

There's no hate just

Boredom,

Life's no thrill just

Linear Motion

The Hurricane of love

Which took us

Heaven,

The dust of it

Settled

There's no hurricane, just

Whiff.

Stand we two

Overbored

Underamused

In face of each other

Empty

Void

Trivial

Weak

All of the stuff

Too blinded by love

To see, To feel

No contempt though

Just Bored.

Bored by reality

Fascinated once by

Love Illusions 

Nasty Delusions

Oue own Seclusion

But,

Let's begin

Once more

Like we first met

And were struck

By Hurricane.

p.s. just for the record i aint married not even close to the posibility of it any time now... the poem was inspired by a married couple i saw at a multiplex sum time ago, they seemed so bored of each other, so much so that they didnt even feel like talking to one another. i dont know much about what to say, i just know that its a sad thing to happen to anybody.

Abhinav Bindra

A bespectacled millionaire

A Golden Gun

A Proud Nation

An Immortal Glory

A laser beam focus

A rock solid determination

To scale new heights

Never scaled by any

Of the billion children

Born on this land.

The grandeur shot

A moment of honour

An overdose of fame

Praise, splendour, nobleness

Hides the

Pain, struggle, labor

You gave up everything

For Gun

For Shooting

You sacrificed the material

No fear

No distraction

Just a single aim

Numero Uno spot

The tricolour in Beijing

Was grateful

For finally one of it's son

Made it Touch The Sky

A triumphant Jana-Gana-Mana

Never felt so arrogant

To honour the gold-winner

Such Integrity, Such Discipline

The nation was spellbound

Too elated to speak

The Nation bows with

Tears of joy.

For you, our hero.

i waited for the hoo-haa around Abhinav Bindra to die so i can post his poem... the media has other news and beijing mania has died too but AB will be in history books forever..

IF MY LIFE WERE A MOVIE

If your life were a movie right now, what celebrity would get the lead role and what type of movie would it be? A drama? Documentary? Comedy? Science Fiction? Action? Thriller?

If my life, right now, were a movie it would be a Thriller, definitely a Thriller! 21 years since i joined the human race ... 2 decades of infinite entertainment to everyone who has ever been related to me in any way... First things first Akshay Kumar would definitely play the lead role ( Himesh? wht say?? do u mind ? lol!) and you know it would be nuthing less than a Priyadarshan's comedy flick!!

Cast: Akshay Kumar(me) , Jaya Bachchan(mumma) , Sushmita Sen (best friend) , Amrish Puri (dad *hehe!).

Plot: There's one dude who refuses to grow up.... his quirks his pranks and his spiritual quest to find the ultimate truth in life!! He is the plot, he is not only a protagonist but also "the situation"!

Kaushik has only one aim in life- to live "on the edge".. right on the top of cliff end. Only a rush of adrenaline can fit his definition of life... Kaushik is living life on the fast lane an it has is consequences... he is struck by lightning not once but twice.. 

How these two incidents shape up his life and philosophy... how these incidents challenge the validity of everything he hold on to.. strap on your seat belts... his journey has just become yours!