It were just those days when my afternoons and house used to be empty every day. Everyday after i reached home from school and the helpers were done serving me lunch and running errands the house was mine to rule and my mind was used to conceive devious plans.

I had a lot of time to spare which was foremost dedicated to Pamela Anderson. I was a teenager and internet still was a silicon valley stuff, computers were for school and labs not home appliances.The only means of getting to any stuff was cable TV. Pamela Anderson and her TV series V.I.P which was religiously watched by all the kids who could and discussed the explicit scenes the next day in murmurs while the teachers blabbered incohrent stuff about maths and geography. TV had "english" channels and then were the days they aired stuff just short of being called Porn.. of which FTV was legend for all kids, the source of all fantasies and female curve anatomy specialist. Everyone wanted to know what Victoria's secret were.

My home had a collection of old magazines which due to strange reason had never been disposed of it was like we were building an archive of personal copies of ladies magazines.. My mum would refuse to part with her collection of these magazines that probably had never been opened again after they were first read. Empty mind can turn pieces of stones to diamonds and suddenly the huge damned pile of useless paper worthy of crap was turned into a goldmine of digging into the fairer sex' mind. It was like so much of literature at my disposal to have a glimpse into the most complex stuff that the world since Adam and Eve hasn't been able to understand ever.

Doesn't matter the few Gladrags here and there were put to detailed visual inspection and used meticulously. If they call me tomorrow to take over as editor-in-chief of any female-centric magazine God knows i'll slip into the shoes more easily than fish take to water. The boring dull empty afternoons were now work alcoholic magazine researching afternoons not to mention the amount of effort in arranging and re-arranging all the magazines in near perfect state leaving not even an iota of doubt for Sherlock Holmes to detect any mischief. The best part was to stay on top alert mode listening to specific car noise round the street giving me just a few seconds to wrap up all my research and thesis and get everything back to perfect state, open my study books and sit before them with intense look of a yogi devouring maths and physics.

And then as always it is in the end the magazines were finally disposed off and afternoon aloneness was a bygone era. But luckily by then internet dial up connections had entered homes and computer was a home appliance. And the thesis continued albeit in a different medium and manner!!

Amen

To smell the fragrance of Godly union of souls

To hear the 'til death do us part' vows

To see two people but one life before them

To taste the nectar of fairest love from heaven

To touch the universe two souls possess together

Saarah and Yasir request your presence to shower your blessings on this sacrosanct matrimony.



* written for my dear dear friend Saarah. May God bless you both!

Apno k liye hi bura ban gya hoon
Kaise roku in vicharo k toofano ko
Sankalp vikalp k is bauraye samundar ko
Kahu kaise tumse mere saath chal
Jab apni hi nav doobti yahaan pal pal

Raahi rakth anshru baha k chala gaya
Me samjhauta samajh khud ko samjha gya
Aage raah meri saathi kahan jaati
Mjhe ye tanik bhi andaaz nahin
Raah har pal kaali gufao main kho jaati

Kitne adarsh aur usool chad gyi sooli
Raah bhatak gaya raahi, murade na hui poori
Wapas jaane k faatak khud hi band kar aaya
Bade bade taale khud hi thok chala aaya
Naa mudte kadam naa aage badhte hain
Ab to kadam hi har pal saahas chhodte hain

Likh to doon haal par apne ek moti kitaab

1. 1.    So you always have been trusting your feelings? You have known it in the past and you know it now that feelings the “inner gut” feeling is what makes you take your decisions and its these feelings that appear to be so relevant and prevalent yet so mysterious and undefined. I have realised that subconscious thoughts are the building blocks of the feelings. The thoughts that go through your head day in and day out ultimately subdue into subconscious and result in form of feelings we have toward a person or situation.
2.   Is Is it music or is it noise? I have been around a lot of people who treat music as a background score. The music keeps playing with higher and higher volume in the background and people are busy in their own work. I strongly resent such attitude for in such manner people convert music into noise just to block out the emptiness in their head they are not ready to face their own thoughts and hence the noise to block out all type of thoughts and emotions and feeling.
3. 3.       Death is around the corner. Yes it’s true as I contemplate my own mortality and become aware that I may die any moment it drives me to better utilize my time and achieve my goals. Usually in the daily chores we forget about the life’s clock tickling and forget all about the death but the more you think about it the more you’ll be focused on the things in life that really matter after all.
4. 4.       “I’m at peace with myself” this is probably the best and the most meaningful thing you can say to yourself. You have to be at peace with what you are or have right now this very very moment not after to reach that position or get that new object of desire. Being at peace with yourself is probably the best thing that you can do to yourself.
5. 5.       Emptiness is not ugly. Emptiness is when you let go of past, of future of guilts and of expectations. There are too many life gurus in the market the only simple path is to give up your mind’s complexity and be simple, be frugal, be empty.