The Heavy Sudden Brunch... and my empty wallet.

It was supposed to be an extremely relaxing Sunday for me while I was in ____ (name of city withheld due to security reasons) but a long lost friend (yes yes a girl!!!) happened to ping me (m really not lying) and a program was fixed to catch up over brunch. I told her to select a restaurant of her choice, for I heavily rely on female in-depth knowledge on local cuisines. She happily mentioned some place "nice" and BAM! We were meeting that some place "nice".

It turned out to be a 5-star Hotel. (DAMN!) Thank you HDFC for the debit card you gave me I didn't had to turn around and run for an ATM. It was too late to tell her how suddenly my bowel movements have developed  irregularity neither could I instantly remember that it was ashtami ka aadha chaand which is an awesome nakshatra to keep a fast for reasons best known to my babaji who has advised me to not even look at food. I did think of fake-fainting on the road and fake a heart attack but it would be too much dramatics and poor girl was just too small to lift me, what if she calls the guards of the hotel and I’m instantly booked a room at the hotel? I might then have a real heart attack.

With fear filled tragedy and grief stricken heart I slowly crawled my way into the mammoth opulence of sheer brilliance of interior designers. The feeling of euphoria of entering a place as affluent like this ended when I began to think of the bill. With dad it was fun to visit places like these, now with my own hard-earned money on the line, I could just end my life of shock.

Oh so it was a Sunday Buffet on the roof top.

I'm telling my brain and stomach. You have to eat thrice your capacity. I'm not eating or feeding you anything for the next 48 hours. Just chew chew and chew. As I flex my jaws for an endless diet to justify setting my money on fire because of the woman with me. Ohh… I remember all this has been happening and this girl has been continuously blabbering and chattering. I have no clue how many characters have “come-scrutinized-gone” in her conversations by now. Pay attention. Pay attention.

Madam: "Oh God it's a buffet here... They have awful.. Oh bad luck"

Me: (Mann main laddu foota) "Ohh no... We can still go someplace else... They are giving a Batman free with Happy Meal at McDonalds"

Madam: "HAHAHA... Noooo I can't disappoint you... You have so far to meet me and you must be hungry... We'll not waste more time. I’m sure YOU'RE starving, at least I AM"

Me: "NO, not at all... Its okk we can go anywhere else that's better... what was that Dhaba you were talking about?"

Madam: "It's okk alas! Such a bad day... Let’s start... Are you vegan or non veg?"

Me: "!@#$%&"

I know what comes next... Trust me I do. I have been through this a lot many times now. Girl comes starving like she's about to die if she's not fed within the next 30 seconds and her location by the hand of destiny is always around the choicest (and costliest) of restaurant. The girl then orders like she hasn't had food for a week and ends up not eating what she has ordered for it didn't suit her… I don't know why… "taste buds" I guess? The more exclusive the item, the less likely it is to be eaten at all, sometimes not at all because dear dish you weren't gorgeous enough to be devoured by a gorgeous woman. The same girl who was about to die of starvation is now revived for the whole day by just tasting the exclusiveness of the dishes and of course not paying. Aren't you a gentleman?

 Being in a buffet means you eat everything there is to eat and as much as you can eat. So I filled my plate with every item. Everything in Vegan section from soup to paneer tikka to mix veg to pizza to kadhai panner to appetizers to main course to starters... all piled up on my plate- right, left and centre. Nothing missed, nothing taken just once or twice or thrice (yes I’ll eat them all). This is my strategy to dent the hospitality industry. They're gonna make the ‘leastest’ profit from my payment of Buffet. I pinkie-promise myself that today these looters are gonna regret letting me in their corridors through the elevator on to the roof-top for their special buffet which my dear guest and host has declared inedible and is determined to prove to these guyz that their culinary skills are not impressive enough to make her take anything on her plate.

Madam: "The food really is awful... I don't like their buffet preparation at all... The last time I was here with a friend it was the same menu too... I just felt like jumping off from the roof-top"

Me:  "Hmmm... chop chop... well your plate is totally empty what you gonna eat?"

Madam: "I don't feel like eating much. I'll go home and have something. It's ok."

Me: thinks*oh God... kill me kill me kill me* can I claim a re-fund or something?

"It's totally cool... but I think you'll like the pizza it's very Italian." (I only meant it's less spicy)

Madam: "How much will you eat? I liked the soup, I think I'll just hop to desserts... I like them though... they are better… but they don't have many choices."

Me: thinks*dessert section was next to salad section... ohh God I had to take the salad again I better grab that egg-something-something that was kept there then with virtue of patience and persistence… insha-allah I’ll raid everything again and stuff it in my stomach for future digestion*

"Actually I haven't eaten since yesterday night; you know work-related issues and all, so I’ll just fill my stomach... And all this physical labour they make us do we need to supplement our bodies with a lot of fibre, fat, protein... necessary for health and all yaar."

Madam:"Awwww… Govt makes you people work so hard naa... "

And then…

The most anticipated moment of bill arrives. And I slowly opened the dreaded bill.

S

SL

SLO

SLOW

SLOWL

SLOWLY

SLOWLY S

SLOWLY SL

SLOWLY SLO

SLOWLY SLOW

SLOWLY SLOWL

SLOWLY SLOWLY

I can hear my heart beats thumping against my chest. My heart pumping blood through the arteries, circulating throughout the body and I can feel the pulse on my fingertips vibrating with the heartbeat. Has the world started spinning faster or is it just me feeling dizzy. There there. I can hear all the sounds and noises on top of this multi storied concrete structure. The edge of the roof calls me. I might as well jump and then with a sudden realization it hits me: This is what I pay for two months as my food bill in my excellent and efficient mess. Agggghhhhhh…. KILL ME… KILL ME… KILL ME…

Two months of my food bill... gone *poof* from my card in just a Sunday buffet. Due to this wonderful female who hasn't eaten at all and as per my estimate would be going back and cooking maybe a 2-minute Maggie at her flat. All is well... All is well... Om shanti shanti shanti... What were those effective methods to “keep yourself calm in high stress situation” article I try to remember. There goes my money... hard earned money and the thought that usually follows such incidents is a common one;

What could I have bought with that money?

I probably won't even be taking my wife there to that place where I had just eaten the (truth be told) inedible buffet. My mind flashes images of all the desirable objects I had intended and yearned to owned but forsaken for the sake of decency of my salary. Most of all the Batman action figure which was supposed to be imported from US and which was costing exactly the same amount as the bill that I had just unwillingly paid. The big remote-control cars/helicopters which I had planned, planned and planned some more but eventually given up on the decision to buy. Some of them cheaper that the amount I had just debited from my bank balance. Monstrosity.

I can so relate to the character in the TV Series "Dexter". I can so relate to his dark passenger. Perfect legitimate reasons I guess to chop up people into thin slices. After my mind had gone through all the items that I could have bought with the just thrown money my mind races to next best option: How to recover the lost money? Should I take this lady to a secluded spot and tell her I need her to refund my money... at least her share. Wait a sec she’s still talking continuously about something let me check what is she saying.

Yes lady I'm all ears about your relationship issues, please go ahead I’m listening. I'm a trained psychiatrist... I love people opening up their hearts to me. Ohh you got some parental issues too? Wowww I’m so warmed up to hear you. 

I think I’ll have to cut down on my expenses and probably in around next 06 months of strict austerity measures I could claim to have recovered 3/4th of the money I have just burned. 

Yes now you are talking about what? Career? My heart is still thumping against my chest. Great meeting you girl. Catch you later. (hopefully never) :P

नेति नेति

तत्त्वमस्यादिवाक्येन स्वात्मा हि प्रतिपादितः ।
नेति नेति श्रुतिर्ब्रूयादनृतं पाञ्चभौतिकम् ।।

tattvamasyādivākyena svātmā hi pratipāditaḥ /
neti neti śrutirbrūyādanṛtaṁ pāñcabhautikam //


नेति = न + इति means नहीं है इतना that is beyond description. That means the God can not be defined in words.

In This Caravan Of Life

In this caravan of life people come and go but seldom one touches the soul
Who'll hold a candle in your darkest hours and stand by you in your lethal wars
Solving the complex riddles and the symphony of chaos & confusion in your head
The caravan of your life taking its bearing and course on words they have said

Alas she's none of it!!

She's the 'been through there' & 'done that and got bored' girl you'll encounter
So probably she'll unlit your little false lamps of hope & mock you as a jester
She'll add her own chaos in 'E Minor' to yours making symphony a rhyming rap
And all the bearings you took from her will have you ending up in Devil's lap

Alas she's not so evil!!

She rebelled against the world a long time before she even gained her senses
Claimed her independence from the society in which she pretends to be within the fences
All these million rules and laws lie shattered & broken in a corner of her head
If they read the minds she'd be outlawed long ago saying 'wanted alive or dead'

Alas she's not Che Guevara!!

She's as enigmatic as some Scorpio can be
Smiling at the lesser souls trying hard not to get preachy
Setting her own ways for sailing through life breaking free
May many more birthdays compound your joys and shopping spree


HAPPY BIRTHDAY RICHA SINGH!!!

Turning A Kid Again And Indian Comics Industry

To turn a kid again, innocent, simpler in this convoluted consumerist world is nothing short of a miracle. The mind now filled with thoughts, desires, regrets, past, future. It is difficult to push them aside and remember "I'm not my thoughts, I'm not my desires, I'm not my Mind"

Lately I have been a kid again - reading comics, playing video games, watching cartoons (from chotta bheem to  fullmetal alchemist) reading YA stories.

Vimanika Comics

Buying comics (indian and western) & graphic novels (indian, manga, DC) is no kid's play. I'm sure kids today can't afford these comics with their pocket money even if it's adjusted with inflation!! Maybe they can if they their father is a 2G Raja or they inherited a fortune as vast as Uncle Scrooge or Richie Rich.

Vimanika, Jump10, Campfire, Pop Culture Publishing, Raj Comics, Amar Chitra Katha, Holy Cow, Top Cow, Virgin Comics, DC, Marvel, Manga. I have been laying my hands on every kind of comics/Graphic novels I can lay my hands on. But at last the days of Indian comic industry look as bright as the sun shines on a clear day in mid-June over Delhi (The city which recently hosted the ComicCon India) at 02 00 PM. The only dark cloud that might come floating by is the 'Price Tag' of some of the comics and DC/Marvel graphic novels which might eclipse the bright sunshine but then these comics are also for adults like me.

a cutout at ComicCon delhi

It's not that the price deters people like me from buying but usually it's the new customers/fan who'd like to give it a shot but give it up after seeing the price tag. The comics to be successful has to reach the masses creating a cult like following.

The quality of the Indian comics(except some)  is undeniably at par with the west. The story line, the art, the concepts, the details, all is worth spending your time and money on. I have stumped to see how the Comic-industry in India has risen from the ashes re-inventing itself. Most of them borrowing from our own mythology but then we are the country of original superheroes. Krishna, Ram, Shiva, Hanuman and kick ass bad guys and monsters. We just need not to invent them!!

The disappointment however for me has been Raj Comics which after all these years have failed to move on the next level. More on this well another time.

Read comics. Support the talented Indian artists.

Time To Change... Accept Acceptance, Reject Rejection

We live in a world constantly rejecting it. Look around - we reject almost everything around us! Rejecting, rejecting and rejecting! In fact, rejection has become the root cause of all our displeasure, pain, and insanity. We reject our imperfections, our less than perfect bodies, our kids who can’t get 100/100 in every subject, our spouse who seems too self-centred, our politicians who are too corrupt, our society which is inherently flawed, and our bosses who are too insensitive! In short we keep rejecting every other thing in life!

If I could change one thing around me – I’d make people “accept” themselves and their surroundings. 


Accept acceptance. Reject rejection.

"You as much as anyone else in the world deserve your love and affection." ~ Buddha

Accept yourself - not just the good and the beautiful component, but every bit of yourself - the good, the bad and even the ugly. What you keep discarding merely keeps on going brawny. Accept the petite cunningness in your character as much as you accept your childhood innocence.

Your body is a temple for your soul. 

Accept your body - too-thin, too-fat, too-short, too-tall, too-plump, and too-skinny. Whatever it is – it is partly your responsibility and partly your genes. Celebrate the body but first accept that you want to change it for better. The perfect gym-toned body with perfect figure can only give you happiness if you first accept the body as the temple you live in. Your body is a gift to yourself.

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” 
― Albert Einstein

Accept your kids - they have not been sent to earth to further your goals and desires or to achieve your dreams. They are not corporate acquisitions from which you expect and demand high performance and soaring returns on the shareholder’s value. They are little human beings of infinite possibilities and dreams. Don’t make a fish climb a tree nor ask an elephant to catch up with a cheetah!

Accept your friends - they may have taken not-so-good decisions, they might have wronged you a few times, but they’re only human... they have their own shortcomings and follies. Accept them like they have accepted you and then only can you realise the potent force of friendship and acceptance.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.

Accept your rejections how many times were you left heart-broken, teary eyed by your love? Someone didn't accept you in their lives, rejected you. Someone threw you out of their lives after a seemingly prefect paradise relationship. Accept the rejection which may or may not have been fault of yours but it did happen and it can’t be changed. Only by accepting can you transcend it.

The best way to cheer yourself is to cheer somebody else up.

Accept your responsibilities - towards yourself, your spouse, your parents, your country and finally to earth and humanity - in reverse order.

Love is a better master than duty.

Accept your spouse - he/she is one you have already accepted to your intimate core and in turn opened yourself for wounds and scars which can take eons to heal. Only by accepting the other person in all his/her profundity, complexity and darkness can you transform him/her and transcend the shortcomings he/she harbours deep in his/her psyche.

Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.

Accept the society - it is what it is. It is because of the actions, inactions, choices of people like you and me who constitute it. It is a reflection of our collective consciousness. If it seems mad to you it is just reflecting collective madness of everyone including us. If it’s evil and corrupt it is because too many of us are evil or silent... indifferent and scared to fight against injustice.

And last but not the least…

“The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before.” 
― Albert Einstein

Accept women - it’s strange to live in a country that worships Goddess Lakshmi for money and prosperity but burns its wives and daughters-in-laws in the name of dowry. We worship Goddess Durga but liken the girl child to an ugly demon, thus slaughtering it in the womb itself. We rape our own women! We adore Sita’s chastity and end up hanging our clothes in some dirty brothel! Even though we all came from a woman, we end up being a husband torturing our wives - beating them, killing them slowly... mentally, spiritually, psychologically and physically. We all were inside the womb of a woman for nine months and came from her - then why this anger and hatred against something that God gifted the power to create something as beautiful as life itself?

If I could change one thing around - rejection would be it.

This post has been written for Indiblogger's "Time to change! contest" - If you could change something around you, what would it be?. To participate or know more, click here.

to know more click here:

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Flipkart.com Vs. Bookadda.com

I first noticed Flipkart.com at World Book Fair 2010 New Delhi. They had a big stall of which I walked past by quickly glancing with the side of my eye since the stall, as far as I remember, had no books and it wasn’t a publishing house. Later I stumbled upon the website after reading a blogpost about it and discovered the unbelievable, plethora of books at rock bottom prices add to it superb packaging and FREE to home delivery.

The love affair with the much applauded and hugely successful website followed before it became the household name. Till recently almost all my online transactions had been through flipkart. The discounts were so tempting that I stopped buying books elsewhere. A person who loves bookshops more than anything turned into a tourist at bookstores. Noting down name of the books only to order them later through flipkart. 

When flipkart went multidimensional selling everything from electronics to books et al. it did pinch me somewhere. It killed the thought of relating flipkart as an exclusive bookstore fanning my fears that somehow it will dilute the book business. Going through books in the books section of say big bazaar is such a sham. It’s there for the heck of it. Colouring books rubbing shoulders with chetan bhagats , shiv kheras, chicken soups and other extremely popular titles. Superficial and skin deep.

Somehow I started ordering computer accessories from flipkart.

Some days before I had to order Samit Basu’s The Simoqin Prophesies for refrence purpose which was for some reason not available at flipkart. I Googled and found bookadda.com a miraculous site which had books cheaper than flipkart and that too by a good margin. It was a like discovering a talisman. A dedicated bookstore with cheapest books I had ever seen. It was then I did it… Ordered the book through bookadda.com on 21 Feb.

On 22 Feb I received the SMS from bookadda intimating me that my order had been shipped from their end through AFL Couriers (who are they?) It’s 29 Feb and I have fairly no idea where my book is.

The AFL website gave nothing to my tracking id telling me nothing except that my courier has not yet been delivered. I called bookadda.com customer helpline number which was few times busy, sometimes unanswered. Finally I could get through the helpline chakravyuh. The call attendant was very professional though and took personal interest in my query. She called back after updating the status of my order with the courier company.

I formally wrote this on the customer feedback section on their website and a string of emails followed :

On Mon, Feb 27, 2012 at 7:36 PM, <customercare@bookadda.com> wrote:

I ordered Samit Basu's book from your website which was shipped shortly but unfortunately the courier company AFL has not been able to deliver the shipment promptly.. i had posted about your website on my FB wall and recommended it highly to my friends since it offers better deals than flipkart.... that too after many years of ordering through flipkart.. i cannot receive my shipment details too through AFL courier website by the tracking number which only tells me that my courier has not been deliver (which of course i already know) it's advisable if u your courier company can be prompt and informative it'll help the customers and inspire confidence to order more books on a regular basis. thank you.
User Order Id - 
from email - parv.kaushik@gmail.com

Feb 28:

Dear Customer,

Greeting from Bookadda.com !

Thank you for your mail and order with Bookadda.com.

As per your mail , we kindly request you to provide us the transaction reference id so that we may check and followup with the courier people for the same, as we are not able to track the order through your mail id.

We are very sorry for the inconvenience caused.

Thanks 

Customer Support Team

Feb 28:

My AFL tracking id is 81592712561172

Feb 28:

Dear Sir,

Our sincere apologies for the inconvenience caused.

We expect you to get the book by today.

We value your feedback & have taken corrective action against the courier company.

While we strive to provide good services, sometimes we get constrained by the logistics eco-system available in the country.

We hope to provide better services to you in future.

We look forward to having you as our customer soon.

Thanks.

I got their sincere apologies but not my book despite complaining. The courier company has taken some corrective measure (pun intended) with now the Status is showing “With Delivering Courier” as if the guy is out there with my book on his way and will be reaching me anytime while in reality the book might be rotting somewhere in their warehouse.

It is sad to see such appalling service in a fiercely competitive market. It might be that the perfect business plan of bookadda.com is being anchored by poor delivery mechanism or that by cutting on price they are compromising on courier provider. Whatever the reason the bottom line is..

WHERE IS MY BOOK???

You Rock Richa Singh!!

It's a supposedly happy event and a extravaganza when your friend gets married. Apparently in this case it does not appears to be so because for me a friend married indeed is a friend lost!

With my dearest friend Richa Singh entering the holy matrimonial phase of her life I stand to lose a mentor, guide, philosopher, counselor (career, relationships and otherwise), fellow party animal, comrade-in-arms, future political rival and business associate. The last two very probable to happen! :)

Richa Singh and I started with an entrepreneurial venture- a youth magazine called 'Sub Zero' in NCR but as fate would have it we two outcast-ed creatures in socially awkward college setting teamed up to preserve our intellectual and moral sanity resting on the pillars of our schools La Marts and CMS GomtiNagar respectively (she hated my school, she still does but it was better any given day- except the girls!!) resulting in a secret war against our social environment.

Dearest Richa Singh is tying the knots today with Vikas Agarwal and I'm not there for her at this important event of her life. She's not talking to me at all. I'm waiting for her to calm down and slander me filthiest insults in her vocabulary followed by a fierce hated speech on my misconduct and unbecoming of a friend and eventually forgiving me for the unpardonable sin I have committed.

Then one fine day we'll be chatting about anything and everything that has happened in our lives. crossed our minds, some news we have read, some opinions we have formed, some philosophy, some books, some movies, some memories, some future plans but alas! I guess she'll a married lady now. Now is there DO'S and DONT'S on how to talk to former best friends and now married lady? On what topics should I talk?

"Who does the dishes when maid is not there?"

"Did maid come today?"

"Ummmm... Are you happy?"
(For the record me and Richa Singh are never too happy- our standards are too high for mortals and earthlings!!)

Lucky Dearest Richa Singh has found a wonderful husband and him a wonderful soul mate and companion for life. May God bless you both with health happiness and wealth(also friends like me ;) )  and as you walk around the holy fire swearing love and companionship for next so many births once again may God bless you both!

"Chutti nahin dete apni company main bula le yaar!!!"

You Rock RS!!