Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Not A Movie Revew: Sixteen (2013)

So recently I had the privilege of watching the movie “Sixteen” and I have already begin to feel old almost an antique ready to be put into a glass pane inside a museum. It's been a decade since I have been Sixteen and lot has changed since then, I now surely can feel.

So the movie was almost a chick-flick with the right amount of sexual innuendo to pull crowds into the theaters. Well who can resist the kacchi-kalis of the present generation talk and act sex on the 80mm big screen cinema?

Dev D (one of my favorites and a milestone in Indian Cinema) was released in 2008 where the character of Kalki is loosely based on the girl in the DPS RK Puram scandal. Where does a leaked MMS takes her? Well all her friends and family abandon her, she becomes toast for national media, her family flees the country and father unable to take the shame commits suicide. Moreover unable to find a place in the society the character of Kalki becomes a prostitute and a porn movie artist.

Where does a leaked MMS in 2013 takes the character? Friends stand strong with the girl (friend in need is a friend-indeed), the girl storms out of the mum-dad counseling session saying there are just too many MMS' floating around for anyone to even notice, poor girl is thrown out of school for misconduct (these old people as Principals I tell you with their stone age values). Unperturbed she plans in the final scene of the movie to go for Miss India when her friend jokes that winning the title will get her MMS even more hits (such an insight these kids have). Hmmmmmm...

Another character from the story, a teenage middle-class guy, gets beaten up by his father routinely for the gap between his poor performance in studies and the expectations of his father is well quite huge. He's beaten up on other occasions when he comes home late after drinking (wtf dude? You're 16! go out, get drunk, vomit your guts out and come back home and expect dad to sing a lullaby and kiss you Goodnight?). He's beaten when his father discovers porn in his computer, he's beaten when he gets marks too low (by all standards not just below his father's expectations). So what does the guy do? Rebel! Long Live Che! He kills his own father and mother happily takes the blame while the guy ends up joining a gang. (पर कोई ना लड़की तो मिल ही जाती है आखिर में) Okkkkkkkk.....

This girl all of 16 is pressurized for sex by her bf. Her mother nags too much with questions like where are you going? When are you coming back home? This and that so she's labeled as a demonic mother who's so un-cool, irritating and over-protective. The girl ends up in a hospital because of complications in termination of her pregnancy but then Indian parents have grown-up now. It's ok for them if their 16 year old daughter lands up in a hospital trying to get her pregnancy terminated in a cheap hotel. It's alright girl you can smile now and no tears please, daddy's here to take care. Hmmmmmm....

The MMS girl has a life to be envied, she bunks school and goes out with her BMW wallah bf's. Changes her boyfriend with a frequency that might make even Mr. Hertz shameful, dumps boys cause they are small (and she isn't talking about their phone), has enough sexual encounters to become an expert and all the minor vices including smoking, drinking etc. Where do you find these girls by the way? (May be if I was loaded with some BMW's I would know for sure.)

Have I started any moral lecture yet? Am I acting as a moral compass of the society so far? No? Then read on...

So the guide for parents as per the movie for today's teenagers is as follows:
  1. (a) If you are middle class and want your teenage school going son to do well please take it easy. Don't scold him when he returns home fully drunk like c'mon his one sided lady love was talking and flirting and dancing with another cool guy at the club, he needs a break he'll handle the future disappointments quite well.
    (b) Don't beat him if you find porn collection in his computer, I mean he's  so 16, he's watching it not doing it with (not cause his principles won't allow him but just a lack of opportunity).
    (c) Never beat him up for low marks or poor performance that's so 90's. Gone are the days when the 90's kid used to be beaten black and blue to get into PMT or JEE. It's 2014 economy is past liberalization days and all kinds of career are opening up I mean even Sunny Leone is making tonnes of money.
  1. If you have a teenage girl and you're living in Delhi/NCR encourage her by all means to go and have a good time till late in the morning at the club. I mean all these not-safe-for-woman talk is good for op-ed and news channels discussion panels don't burden your jawaan girl on the laborious boring talks on women's safety and coming back home soon and not going to club. These kind of parents really take the life out of their kids I mean like c'mon let them loose send them by all means by all times loaded with cash and encouragement to late night clubs especially of it's Delhi/NCR. And yeah Girls look boyfriends of 16 are really into true love sorta thing. If they keep pressuring you for sex even dump you for you not giving enough encouragements for sex treat it as a surest sign of true love. They only want to take this relationship to the next level so when they take you to pregnancy-termination cuz of their excesses treat it as the surest-possible sign of truest-love. Yes girls one last thing parents are all so cool when they learn from someone that their daughter is admitted in a major hospital cuz of pregnancy termination complexities, they'll shower you with love and affection.
  1. Yes parents of these born-with-the-silver-spoon-types-driven-around-in-BMWs-by-middle -aged-boyfriends-girls well nothing for you, you can do what you wish, if i had that sorta money maybe I wouldn't be doing much different from you. I mean it's all about the money isn't it?

If you are 32 y.o and witnessing these lives from close quarters you can write a book on it. You'll win the bookers (like it happens in the movie, Goddamn with Rushdie and the likes.)

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