Friday, February 26, 2010

10 Sonic Ways To Be Super-Cool

OK fellow un-cool humans here is a refreshing break from the emotional high doses i have been giving you through the poems here. This is THE SECRET which the world has always been waiting for. Even Rhonda Byrne is after me to convert this SECRET into a book offering me a multi-million dollar deal. The CIA called me to keep my mouth shut for their billion dollar research is turning to dust for i offer my SECRET FOR FREE. yes you heard it right absolutely right i bring for you the ultra-secrets which will help you  definitely turn you into a Super-Cool species among your fellow homo sapiens and the envy of all.

1.Watch the right TV: ohh no no no F.R.I.E.N.D.S and Prison Break are passe you need to know the ABC, XYZ, MNO everything of Sex And The City, Desperate Housewives, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, Dexter, Lost. Oh yes these are the shows you have to master. The more you know the more you can let the other people slip into depression of being un-cool.

2.Mind Your Language: Alright you speak in English whts the big deal? Ohh so you know the lingo of the hood? So what? You have to prove your ignorance of Hindi at every drop of the hat. When anybody starts talking in Hindi and uses a slightly uncommon word here's the phrases you can use: "Oh I have to work upon my Hindi", "Shit my Hindi is so bad", "Man that is all greek to me, what did u say again?"

3.Social Networking: So you could never let Orkut touch you? Facebook was your one and only home since time immemorial. Now have the right friends and the right Display Pic. Yes my dear dear friend your coolness quotient is measured by your profile pic. Burn the midnight oil use all the photo editing softwares to get the perfect look in your DP.

4.Have Some Relationship Issues: It's just so un-normal to have a happy relationship. "I Have Some Issues" is the buzz-line. It's the secret tht will bring you in the league of super-cool kids. No one likes an ever lasting lovey-dovey couple. Ever seen movies that start with a happy ending? Then why give people that impression.

5.Be Anything But Obvious: Everyone has read Chetan Bhagat that automatically implies you don't have to even touch the filthy books he write. He is an insult to the world of literature a dirty spot which has ruined the beauty of classics. You don't have to touch anything that is in mass consumption. Always go off-beat (read elitist). Here's a catch~ if in your "in" circle being weirdo is obvious then be normal and you'll be the cool one, the different one.

6.Use Right Cuss Words: Now learn to have the blessings of Jesus in your life, start with phrases like "Oh Jesus!" to "Jesus, if only I had known..." Use Fuck like you use prepositions, use the derivatives often to keep the interest and to awe the un-cool. Bullshit, Bitch, Asshole all are welcome in as public way as possible.

7. Be A Party Animal: OK so you haven't attended a party for weeks but your party stories must never ever not even till immortality runs out. You are the Party God sent from heaven above to make this world a cooler place to be in. You rock the party with your awesomeness, your awesomeness has defied all barriers. Your life's a party. (Also includes Night-outs, hang-outs, anything-outs)

8. Trend Setter, Style Icon, Fashion Guru: If you haven't been nicknamed one of these, your coolness is in jeopardy. Be a trend setter go out to tell the world around you what to wear. Be "in" and let the other's copy you. You have to work hard on this one buy fashion magazines, go shopping a lot more times than everyone else does, search the internet. Anything to put you on top.

9. Carry A Guitar/Basketball At All Times: Doesn't matter if you are a girl or a guy carry a Guitar at all times to infuse a sense of inferirity complex in fellow human beings. When you see a guy with a guitar on his back your heart breaks and you curse yourself of all the broken resolutions to learn guitar and the girls are imagining a dude who'll sing them love songs with humming guitar tunes, what a mind game! Same goes with basket-ball

10.You Are Bi-sexual And Accept It: No-one was happier than you when Article 377 was repealed.. It was a moment of eternal happiness for you and fellow gay/lesbian community. Yes you are a bi-sexual and yes you are experimental.  You are a try-sexual. You have the guts to accept it in front of everyone. All the straight people are just so old and conventional and boring. You are the new blood the Super-Cool.

p.s. there you go 10 commandments, 10 Biblical truths which will transform your life to awesomeness. And remember i gave these hidden-truths to you. I'm the Supreme Super Cool Soul in the Universe thou shalt not even doubt it for a second.

p.s. very painfully i have to announce that someone has missed the pun in the whole article so for all the confused ones here it is I WAS BEING SARCASTIC.