Friday, February 26, 2010

10 Sonic Ways To Be Super-Cool




OK fellow un-cool humans here is a refreshing break from the emotional high doses i have been giving you through the poems here. This is THE SECRET which the world has always been waiting for. Even Rhonda Byrne is after me to convert this SECRET into a book offering me a multi-million dollar deal. The CIA called me to keep my mouth shut for their billion dollar research is turning to dust for i offer my SECRET FOR FREE. yes you heard it right absolutely right i bring for you the ultra-secrets which will help you  definitely turn you into a Super-Cool species among your fellow homo sapiens and the envy of all.

1.Watch the right TV: ohh no no no F.R.I.E.N.D.S and Prison Break are passe you need to know the ABC, XYZ, MNO everything of Sex And The City, Desperate Housewives, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, Dexter, Lost. Oh yes these are the shows you have to master. The more you know the more you can let the other people slip into depression of being un-cool.

2.Mind Your Language: Alright you speak in English whts the big deal? Ohh so you know the lingo of the hood? So what? You have to prove your ignorance of Hindi at every drop of the hat. When anybody starts talking in Hindi and uses a slightly uncommon word here's the phrases you can use: "Oh I have to work upon my Hindi", "Shit my Hindi is so bad", "Man that is all greek to me, what did u say again?"

3.Social Networking: So you could never let Orkut touch you? Facebook was your one and only home since time immemorial. Now have the right friends and the right Display Pic. Yes my dear dear friend your coolness quotient is measured by your profile pic. Burn the midnight oil use all the photo editing softwares to get the perfect look in your DP.

4.Have Some Relationship Issues: It's just so un-normal to have a happy relationship. "I Have Some Issues" is the buzz-line. It's the secret tht will bring you in the league of super-cool kids. No one likes an ever lasting lovey-dovey couple. Ever seen movies that start with a happy ending? Then why give people that impression.

5.Be Anything But Obvious: Everyone has read Chetan Bhagat that automatically implies you don't have to even touch the filthy books he write. He is an insult to the world of literature a dirty spot which has ruined the beauty of classics. You don't have to touch anything that is in mass consumption. Always go off-beat (read elitist). Here's a catch~ if in your "in" circle being weirdo is obvious then be normal and you'll be the cool one, the different one.

6.Use Right Cuss Words: Now learn to have the blessings of Jesus in your life, start with phrases like "Oh Jesus!" to "Jesus, if only I had known..." Use Fuck like you use prepositions, use the derivatives often to keep the interest and to awe the un-cool. Bullshit, Bitch, Asshole all are welcome in as public way as possible.

7. Be A Party Animal: OK so you haven't attended a party for weeks but your party stories must never ever not even till immortality runs out. You are the Party God sent from heaven above to make this world a cooler place to be in. You rock the party with your awesomeness, your awesomeness has defied all barriers. Your life's a party. (Also includes Night-outs, hang-outs, anything-outs)

8. Trend Setter, Style Icon, Fashion Guru: If you haven't been nicknamed one of these, your coolness is in jeopardy. Be a trend setter go out to tell the world around you what to wear. Be "in" and let the other's copy you. You have to work hard on this one buy fashion magazines, go shopping a lot more times than everyone else does, search the internet. Anything to put you on top.

9. Carry A Guitar/Basketball At All Times: Doesn't matter if you are a girl or a guy carry a Guitar at all times to infuse a sense of inferirity complex in fellow human beings. When you see a guy with a guitar on his back your heart breaks and you curse yourself of all the broken resolutions to learn guitar and the girls are imagining a dude who'll sing them love songs with humming guitar tunes, what a mind game! Same goes with basket-ball

10.You Are Bi-sexual And Accept It: No-one was happier than you when Article 377 was repealed.. It was a moment of eternal happiness for you and fellow gay/lesbian community. Yes you are a bi-sexual and yes you are experimental.  You are a try-sexual. You have the guts to accept it in front of everyone. All the straight people are just so old and conventional and boring. You are the new blood the Super-Cool.



p.s. there you go 10 commandments, 10 Biblical truths which will transform your life to awesomeness. And remember i gave these hidden-truths to you. I'm the Supreme Super Cool Soul in the Universe thou shalt not even doubt it for a second.


p.s. very painfully i have to announce that someone has missed the pun in the whole article so for all the confused ones here it is I WAS BEING SARCASTIC. 

15 comments:

Priya said...

Someone got carried away and the rest got confused huh. Well nice cool things if u really follow. Never mind even if its for fun. Still cool to think hey whatz ur problem.

Be happy;))

k.ø.c.h.ü said...

i call that Interesting ;)

Richa Singh said...

parv kaushik your are god today.. i mean AMAZING but saale kamine we both are totally guilty of each of those points except maybe in ur case u have good hindi.. nevertheless i must say so far this has been your best its awesome \m/

Garima said...

hahahaha....LOL...that was awesome...now I know EXACTLY what you were trying to explaing in your few initial mails :P ..i did get the gist of it back then though..so i knew that you were being sarcastic right frm the begining. Otherwise bhi it was pretty obvious.

btw....I am soooo UN-COOOOOOOL :P

Parv Kaushik said...

@priya OMG didn't get ur cmmnt? were you mocking me? well it's ok if you do it behind my back but not here.. okk i was kidding!! yes others got confused i hope you didn't!!!

its just an observation of my surroundings!

Parv Kaushik said...

@kochu hey thts cool! i call tht understatement ok kidding bro!!

Parv Kaushik said...

@richa singh i knw my hindi's good i knw everything about me is good.. i wonder if i'm the standard gauge for 'good' naaahh.... tht cnt be i'm the standard gauge for 'awesome'!! thnx buddy yeah we are partners in crime in this one!!

Parv Kaushik said...

@garima judging by the given standards i'm the un-coolest creature walking the earth right nw.. funny to see you have the meaning of the words i have trying to say!! good for us! lolzzz glad u enjoyed it!

zoya said...

Thanks for penning this down....these happen to be the unsaid basic rules of living for North Americans......I hope more NorAmies read this n benefit from it....they'd really b indebted to u, for this....

Parv Kaushik said...

@zoya the world's a village didn't knw it was so close in the times of internet and globalization.. the human mind works the same way everywhere!! indebted to me? naah thts too much !! thnx for the wonderful cmmnt!

Indrayani said...

Your the man!!....Duuuuude...you rock!! :D

I cant think of a more 'cool' comment...

Parv Kaushik said...

@indrayani thnk you so much!! i'm the man yo buddy!! lolzzzz

lafemmereva said...

good article, a few things if I may add to look ultra sonuc iber duber cool!

1. Gadgets
2. Spectacles/Shades - The more oversized the shades the better
3. Claims to have supported social causes/Claims of recycling plastic
4. Carrying Starbucks Coffee in hand
5. Vacationing in foreign places
6. Flouting the importance of family
7. Twitter!! OMG Twitter!

Parv Kaushik said...

@lafemmereva yours are so cool.. i'll add them to my future list so that ppl dnt fall short of coolness quotient... where have u been!

Samik said...

All I gotta say - "What The Fuck!" hahaha...

Wonderful work man!! truly wonderful :) .... I agree with ya on all points... especially Chetan Bhagat mercilessly assassinating literature! ;) Gosh I hate that!