Monday, September 09, 2013

Saga of iPhone 5, Indian Advertising Industry and Selling Sex

So here I am with my iPhone 3 with a broken cracked screen and under tremendous social pressure.

iPhone5waala: you have an iPhone 3???? 3??? Must be 4 let me look.. 
Me: It really is 3 bhai mere. 
iPhone5waala: Look here's my iPhone5 buy one, look here's my iPad, my iMac, here my billion GB iPod. 
Me: Man who paid for all this?
iPhone5waala: 3???? You got 3???? *faints*

Female friend: blah blah blah blah
Female friend's friend: blah blah blah blah
Me: blah blah blah blah
*female friend check's phone*
*female friend's friend check's phone*
*me checks phone*
Female friend's friend: Ewwwww.. What's that? Is it that 3 waala model?
Me: Yaa... ummmm... ummmm....
Female Friend: Ohh he bought it when it was launched you know he really loves it.. i keep telling him to change it even the screen's broken but he just doen't listen
Me: Hehehe.. yaaa

Female friend's friend: (shrugs) whateva.


I bought this phone when it cost-ed 21k. No big deal considering the last Samsung smartphone I owned I had just thrown it really hard and crushed it to pieces making it absolutely necessary for me to buy a new phone without any procrastination. iPhone4 was costing around 45k and it made absolutely no sense to me to spend a fortune buying it. Considering I drop/lose/break-by-throwing my phones at my fancy whims and moods. 


There's a difference when you can't buy something and when you don't want to buy something. The difference is huge/enormous/mammoth. 

I had just bought my iPhone "3S" when immediately afterwards I happened to be at dinner with a SOB who had an iPhone "4S" bought recently and he tried to show-it-off before females present in our vicinity. But then that's where the difference lies I knew I could have bought it but i didn't it was a conscious logical decision not something that I had forced upon myself.

I have my own rule a phone's price must be directly proportional to the number of months I'll use it. Example a 12k phone will last for 12 months in my hand nothing more nothing less. 21k phone has to last 21 months before I officially declare it dead or by destroying it "make-it-dead" instead. So my iPhone 3 bought in Mar 2012 has to survive till December 2013. No matter what.  

Main Body:

The different reaction's I suffer due to iPhone 5 launch and materialism:

Person1 : Toothpaste Meswak liya hain? Paisa bacha rhe ho naya iPhone lene k liye?

Person2 : Dude you should totally buy iPhone 5 it has technical wonders like blah blah blah blah...  itna GB utna pixel ye processor wo speed.. 

Person3 : Arre yaar you don't have a credit card or what? Credit card se le lo..

Person4 : I'll get you a super 2nd hand kissi ko pata nahin chalega ki 2nd hand hain.

Imaginary Girlfriend: Naya phone? Mjhe kaunsa gift karoge?? My bday is coming you know I was wondering ki dono k pass same phone hona chahiye. 

Mummy : Itna mehanga phone tod bhi diya tumne? Kya naya phone lena hain? Paise bachaya kar beta...... 

Papa : Ye aaj kal ki generation pata nahin kya hain phone par hi lagey rahte hain jisse dekho........ hamare zamane main....

Apple people are stupid none of their adverts show that their products can get a girl. Look anything that is being sold in India is sold on the following two premises:

1. The product will get the customer a lot of hot skimpy clad women.

2. Kids love the product and their entire childhood happiness depends on it.

I'll elaborate only the first point for now. Everything from ENO to motorbikes/cars to deodorants to almost any weird product you can imagine you buy in India any product may it be a ceiling fan or cement the only thing that qualifies it of being worthy of your wallet is it's surprising ability to be a chick-magnet. You buy this suitcase all the hot women come running to you, you travel in TATA auto (what was it called magic i guess) and you'll find true love with a hot girl there. See everything eventually in the Indian advertising industry leads you to a hot woman many hot girls. Which if I'm not wrong is a subtle message for sex. So basically all the advertisers are selling sex isn't it? Buy this car, this phone, this watch, this home appliance, this insurance, this coffee, this soft-drink and you'll get unlimited sex. It isn't a bad deal atleast it's better than dying for what's left of Osama bin Laden's gang and gaining 72 holy virgins after death in heaven.

So what's wrong with Apple? They have no Indian ads. There iPhone5 isn't promising me unlimited sex with hot women even when I'll be spending a bomb on it. Naaahhhh... I ain't gonna spend my money on a product that tells no scintillating lies. 


My whole self worth isn't dependent on the phone I carry, well, it depends on how I carry myself with the phone. So if the sole criterion of self worth is a smartphone than I think we are living in a seriously crooked up world. Now most people will say ohh no we don't judge people by their smartphone they own. Well think again :)


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Kunal said...

Hi Parv......
Great blog man.....Had a laugh throughout......AWESOME!! Hope to see many more.

pushpeen kaur said...

Hi Parv,

After a very long time I followed your blog and this article about Iphone5 -its so hilarious and true. Something similar happened with me too. I wanted to buy Iphone4 which is my first smart phone and people were asking me to buy Iphone 5.. But till now I am in so much love with what I bought. Really like the way you have put the article in simple words.
Great going :)

Pushpeen Kaur